Keeping It Together
a Forever Knight story
by Ell Hase
©April 14, 2008

This is a first for me.  A songfic about Tracy -­ post Divia's descent onto Toronto.  The usual disclaimers apply: copyright for FK characters and song lyrics belong to their original owners, no infringement intended.

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        Another two hours to shift.

        It had been a good, hard run.  She bent down, unlaced the running shoes, then neatly arranged them on the shoe rack.

        Her refrigerator was spotless.  Everything was neatly in its place; she had no trouble locating the sports drink.

        "Whaddya do?  Arrange everything in alphabetical order?"

        "Shut up," she silently yelled at the phantom voice before taking an angry swig of the lime flavored drink then methodically stripping off to shower.

        The warm water sluiced comfortingly over her and despite her best efforts, the memories kept coming back.

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

        Damn it, she’d told him that it would never work.  She’d baldly told him that she could sense the evil in him.  And he had not wanted to be tied down.  He wanted the freedom to roam with his crew, what was left of it.

        They’d made their farewells.  She remembered that all too well.

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These images

        "It’s time to move on, Button."

        Tracy toweled off briskly and at once worked on fixing her face with make-up.  A swipe of concealer hid the shadows that told of restless and haunted sleep.  A whisk of powder there softened the stress lines.  The last dab of light pink lipstick brightened her mien.  She looked normal now, in control.

        She dressed carefully.  The structured clothing she chose hid the weight she’d lost.  Professionally, she checked the gun safety, ensuring it was on, ignoring the seduction of how easy it would be to find oblivion at the end of its barrel.  Tracy Vetter could deal with loss ­- she came from a family of cops.  Vachon had been an anomaly, all her good friends were cops.  She idolized her partner and never wanted to disappoint Nick.  He was definitely the most together person she knew, even though lately things were going badly between him and Nat.  The rumor mill was going full steam.  Tracy was thankful she was spared that at least.

        Her gun went into the holster.  Once the snaps and straps were secured, Tracy picked up the car keys and began turning out the lights in her apartment.

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

        "Definitely doing fine," she reminded herself again as she stepped out into the night.  "And I will be too."




The lyrics are from "Almost Lover" by Fine Frenzy.  Copyright for the lyrics belongs to Fine Frenzy.

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