BEHAVIORAL MODIFICATIONS: These nights I toss and turn more in my sleep. Even without an additional nose to get in the way, or an additional mouth requiring a clear shot at breathing, I find that it's not very comfortable to grind my eyes into the pillow. The result is that I spend the entire night sleeping in a fetal position, switching from my right side to my left side. If I were younger and less set in my ways, perhaps I could train myself to sleep suspended, bat-like. Upon awakening, I rub first my front eyes, then my back ones, using my fists. The wrist and bicep muscles are building up nicely, making me feel as if I've been playing bass guitar and doing chin-ups regularly.
STYLISTIC CONSIDERATIONS: I'm still going around on the question of whether to display or conceal my new eyes. Peering at the world behind me through a veil of hair could become irritating, while at the same time shaving the back of my head would probably alarm many people who would be unprepared for my new way of looking at things. For the moment, I've opted for sunglasses fore and aft, while a hatmaker friend designs a deerstalker version of the modern baseball cap, with a wide bill on either end. I've encouraged her to take out a patent and look into marketing; this is a fashion that could really take off even among the two-eyes.
TRANSPORTATION: I feel much safer in someplace like the NYC subway system, where I can literally watch my back at all times. When I drive a car, my blind spot has been effectively removed. Best of all, I can now listen to a Walkman while riding my bicycle, since my ears are no longer such a crucial part of my safety and navigational system.
ETHICAL CONSEQUENCES: Back when I had only two eyes, there was one car ride with the men in the front seat and the women in back, and one of them announced: "I need to change now. All boys turn your eyes front." I resisted an unbearable temptation to watch the side mirror, and today I'm a better man for it, although perhaps poorer. But now, faced with that same situation, I'm not sure what I'd do.
PHILOSOPHICAL RAMIFICATIONS: One school of thought has it that half the universe vanishes when we turn our back. With my new dorsal eyes, I am constant, living proof which relegates those thinkers to the same laughable hinterlands as the Flat Earth Society. But what if they're right? What if there's truly nothing to see behind my head? What if everything I think I see is part of the defense mechanism which keeps we humans from going mad in the face of the unexplainable? What if no trees really fall in the forest? What if no bears really shit in the woods?
ADVENTURES IN THE UNCONSCIOUS: One thing that I've come to deeply enjoy is the enhanced quality of my dream life. With twice as many rapid eye movements per night, I dream vividly with impossible cubist perception, and I remember all of it. The processing of real issues is more clear and obvious, while the doodling of a mind at play is like a funhouse for the muses. I talk about my dreams as though I were referring to close personal friends. People look at me strangely - but believe me, they're gonna do it anyway!