Not a creature was stirring, except for my bowels
They creaked and they groaned and said "get out of bed"
I thought if I didn't, I'd soon end up dead
Then, with a sigh, the pain went away
I thought, hey maybe, I can wait until day.........light
But then in my gut arose such a clatter
I knew pretty soon I would have to splatter (the back wall)
I tossed and I turned, but to no avail
It was plainly clear there would be fecal hail
But no, once again - the rumbling subsided
Yet still to my spouse I quietly confided
"Honey I think I'm gonna have to shit"
She said "shut the fuck up, just go and do it.."
The last thing I wanted was to wake the baby, but then here I was
Giving birth to a food baby!!
The contractions continued until it was certain
I'd better let go, or I'll really be hurtin
I tip toed so quiet to the potty with care
Dropped my drawers and fouled the air
The torrent so strong burned my asscheeks
Until it was done, with a few farting squeaks
The baby awoke and screamed out in terror
Something about spiders barking in error
Mom calmed her down, then caught the strong smell
"Jesus Christ Jon, that stinks like hell"
"Thanks alot honey, it's just your cookin...
And believe you me it smells much better than it's lookin"
A flush and a whoosh and away it all went
To the place under ground where poops lives are spent
A fresh set of drawers and a quick wash of hands
I was back under the covers, headed for dream land
But oh no, oh gosh, oh hell, could it be?
It appears there's a re-wipe in the cards for me.........
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