Poopie National Anthem

To be sung to our national anthem

Oh say can you smell
The big ugly shit
I just pushed out my butt
And splashed in the toilet?

Whose broad width and great length
Almost clogged up the bowel
Oh this poopie I've made
Is as big as my daughter

And the smell it is strong
And the log is so long
It grew through the night
I had burritos for dinner

Oh say does that e-nor-mous
Poopie still float
Won't you please bring me
A-no-other roll.....................


Oh Beautiful

To be sung to the American classic "Oh Beautiful"

Oh beautiful this crap I laid
It's smiling back at me
I see the bits of corn inside
Oh there's an olive too
Oh feces
Oh feces
You're like a part of me
So here's a blob of used T.P.
So you won't forget me.........


The Musical Poop

A poem to be sung to the tune of Genesis' classic "The Musical Box"

Play me Old King Cole
That I may poop for you
All your craps now seem so far from me
They hardly seem to smell at all

And the "Nurse" can rip some farts
From the colon within his jeans
They are trapped within his boxers
They hardly seem to smell at all

Take me my poop
Here it comes again
Take me my poop
Here iit comes again

Just a little bit
Just a little bit more crap
Crap left to pass through my butt

La la la la laaaaa la la la laaaaaaaa laa laa laa laaaa

Take me my poop
Here it comes again
Take me my poop
Here it comes again

Old King Cole took a mighty big dump
And a mighty big dump made he
So he called for his plyers
And he called for his butthorn
And he called for his rolls T.P.
But the poop...
In his butt...
Too big a piece...
So he huffed
And he puffed
And he grunted....

OUT IT CAME!!!!

She's a poopie, she is FINE!!
Wipe up my ass
And let me get to know your scent...

She's a poopie, she is MINE!!!
Oh, wipe up my ass
And let me get to know your stench...

*You stand there with your fixed expression
Casting doubt on all your ass has made...

Why don't you flush me?
Flush me?

Why don't you flush me?
Flush me?

Flush me now now now now now?
Now now now now now?
Now now now now now?
Now now now now now?

*The shit is now speaking to his maker.......


She's Buying Herself a Bedpan

To be sung to the tune of Led Zep's "Stairway To Heaven"

There's a lady who knows
That her poopies ain't gold
So she's buying herself a bedpan
And when the poops come she knows
If the bathroom door is closed
With a push she can shit where she's layin

Ooooo Ooooo Ooooooooo Oooooooo Oooo Oooo Oooo Oooo
Cause she's buying herself a bedpan

There's a lock on the door
And she wants to be sure
Cause you know that it just might be open
On the pot in the washroom
There's her sister named Rita
Who's craps are so strong they're painful

Oooo Oooo Oooo Oooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Oooo
So she's buying herself a bedpan

(unfinished)


Fritz's Bile

To be sung to the theme song to the popular sitcom "Gilligan's Island"

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful shit
That started from the wrinkled arse
Of a portly guy named Fritz

His diet was heavy on the fat
He guzzeled lots of sweets
5 Big Mac's and a Chocolate shake
Gave birth to this big shit
Gave birth to this big shit

(Thunder & lightening)

His tummy started acting up
His gasses sure did squeak
If not for elasticity of his "depends"
His butt would surely leak
His butt would surely leak

The shit's afloat in a public can
He found at a bus station
With used condoms, a tampon too
Hypodermic needles and some wine
An Old diaper
Whiskey bottles and some old beer cans
Mixed with Fritz's bile!!.......


The Garden Dung

To be sung to the tune of the ever popular "Brady Bunch" Theme


Here's the story of a lovely poopie
Who was bringing up three very lovely plops
All of them smelled really bad, like their mother
The youngest one a curl

It's the story of another crappy
Who was busy with three craps of his own
They were four dungs floating all together
Yet they were all alone

Then the one day when this poopie met this crappy
And they know this was much more than a dump
That this poop must somehow form fertilizer
That's the way we all became the garden dung
The garden dung
The garden dung
That's the way we became the garden dung............


Joy to the Poop

A poem to be sung to the tune of that wonderous Xmas carol "Joy to the World"

Joy to the world
The poop has come
Let earth receive her feces

It shot right out the bung hole
Looking like a telephone pole

Let that toilet sing
yes let that toilet sing
Oh let et et et et et the toilet sing

Piece on earth
A piece of dung
It lays beside the road

It must a little doggie's
It might be a big doggie's

It ain't no human poop
It ain't no human poop
Oh no this is surely not a human poop

I stepped in crap
While walking through the park
Those darn Canadian geese!!

It blends into the grass
Once fallen from their ass

They leave those little poops
Those olive green /white poops
They leave several thousand of those green/white poops

Bingo has a hunk
Of do do stuck to her ass
It's dried onto her butthairs

It's swinging when she walks
It's swinging when she walks

I just can't pull it off
I just can't pull it off
I just can't bring myself to pull it off

Elsa the cow
Just took a dump
About the size of a pizza

But thick and dark and chocolatey
Yes rich and smooth and velvety

It's baking in the sun
It's baking in the sun
The cow dung is baking in the mid day sun

Baby made a crap
In her Pampers
I can't believe the smell

It stinks worse than a man's
I don't know how it can

She eats only Gerber
yes she eats only Gerber
What do they put in that Ger er ber??

Having the runs
Is lot's of fun
It sprays the back wall!!!

When just you least expect it
Or really can't protect it

Comes knocking at your door
Your sphincter locked back door
And ruins your favorite jockey shorts

Constipation
can be a drag
You feel kind of sick

You'll push and shove for hours
Drink prune juice lot's and cower

But nothing seems to give
You swear your life you'd give
Just to get that hunk of shit out now....


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