The Hose

by Inga

Several days before the procedure, I had to stop eating fresh fruit and veggies. Then, the day before, at a certain time, I had to quit eating altogether, then drink 4 LITERS of this salt yuck liquid junk. Every 10 minutes, I had to chug an 8 oz. glass. It sucked. Then, you wait....then your intestines clean out. over and over and over. Then you have to drink more of the liquid, and try not to gag and throw it up. I kept trying to chase it with some white wine, but I had no room for it. ugh.

The next morning (I think the night before was the worst), I went to the hospital. They put me out with Demerol and a form of Valium: Verset. I thought I would be just sort of out of it, they would do the procedure, and then I could go home, rest some, do laundry, go running, you know....get on with life.

Well, after they put the drug in my i.v., Immediately things got fuzzy. I was until that point nervous about them putting a camera on a flexible hose in my rectum, and I thought I would be nervous to the end. I must have passed out pretty quickly.

Next thing I know, I am sort of awake in the hospital outpatient room. I look around and announce that I am awake and am ready to go home. The clock said 11:00. I blinked. I awoke again at 12:30. Wow, pretty woozy. The doctor was there then (not the doctor from last week, he referred me to this one). He told me that almost everything was perfect. I wanted to know what wasn't so perfect. He looked pretty nervous, looked around, licked his lips, and told me to rest for a few more minutes. I couldn't help it...I fell asleep again.

The next time I awoke, I really was ready to go home. I told the nurses to call Jon and tell him to pick me up. They also told me that the doctor was already gone. Also that he didn't find anything bad in my colon and that I could be happy for that reason. I told them that the doctor told me that everything was almost perfect...and that I wanted to know what wasn't so perfect about the procedure.

The nurses looked nervous. It was weird. I was thinking of tumors, or other weird things. I got scared and started yelling that I wanted to know what was going on. They sent another doctor in. Apparently the first doctor had already left. He had a plane to catch for his vacation.

The other doctor came in and looked nervous. He rolled my gurney into a room that was dark and empty. He got close to my face, and told me that there was a slight problem with the equipment that they used for the procedure and that they would have to charge me extra for the loss of their equipment.

What!? I really had no clue, but as I started to struggle and move around, I felt a bit constricted down in my lower torso area. I was still a bit groggy from the whole experience, but something didn't feel right. I put my hand down there, and there was a semi-stiff sort of hose hanging out of my butt.

I screamed and the nurses all ran in and everyone grabbed an arm or leg to keep me from thrashing. Some nurses had tears in their eyes as they shook their heads in sympathy. Some clucked their tongues and smiled sympathetically.

I passed out again.

It is now a few days later. It has truly been a trying week. I have daily visits from the hospital physical therapist. I am now learning how to function and walk and be like I always was. I only have a hose sticking out of my butt now. Apparently a camera is on the other end. We are currently in mediation to see whether we have to pay for it or not.

It seemed that while the small camera was doing its journey through my colon, that my colon got a mind of its own and spasmed and grabbed the camera. Some of the assistants who were in the room swear to this day that the colon made animal like noises of its own. they pulled and pulled and couldn't get the camera out. They called in specialists and surgeons, and it was unanimous to leave the camera in, and cut the hose. But they decided to leave a fair amount of the hose in still so that in a future day, we can give a sudden tug and it may come out. One doctor giggled to me and suggested that I may grow to love tugging on the hose just for my own pleasure. Another doctor suggested that I get a new wardrobe specially tailored to fit my new addition.

I actually had to do that. I have special underwear made for me. I have to bathe the hose specially, especially after I go to the bathroom. I wear more skirts when I feel carefree and like I want my hose to hang out. I heard somewhere that if I wire the end of the hose to our video player, that We will be able to see inside my intestines.

The other night I hurt someone when I went out dancing and I was wearing a skirt. I twirled around and around, not knowing that my hose twirled higher and higher and started taking people out. It is sort of hard and wiry, and I can see where it could really hurt.

Another time, I tripped one of our clients. The owner's financial rep of a project I am on came for a meeting. We took a break and went for coffee (I got a chai), and my hose must have uncoiled and gotten lodged in the storm drain next to the curb. We started walking when the white guy flashed, and he tripped over my cord. It became a scene...I was torn between helping him up, and coiling the hose up and discreetly tucking it under my skirt into the pouch I have made into all of my new panties.

Some of those times get so frustrating, but I am managing to function almost normally. I have heavier duty panties made for running (so now I have to have a jogging bra, AND panties). Sometimes when it is hot out, I sweat, and sometimes the sweat trails down the hose in droplets. It works best when I let it hang down in times like that. Sometimes I, myself, trip on it. Just yesterday, my daughter asked me if she could use it as a jump rope. It was a little awkward, but if I wagged my butt just the right way, I could keep my end turning.

Sometimes my cat thinks I am playing with her when I am just walking around at home. I usually let it hang out of one of my shorts legs when I am at home. We are all so used to it by now. But LooLoo will sometimes pounce on the hose, thinking that it is there for her to play with. I am so thankful that the hose is an appendage without nerves.

There are positive sides to the hose. Yesterday, I wore a skirt that was too loose. I simply pulled the hose up through my waistband, and tied the skirt tighter around my waist.

Soon, I will use the hose as a whip when I am playing Dominatrix. Should be interesting, as long as I don't have to have a bowel movement.

Sex has been interesting, but since Jon has been laid up, it has only been an issue a couple times this week. The darned thing gets in the way. There are other issues that arise with the hose sexually, but I will keep them private for now.

I have actually grown fond of the hose by now. I know it sounds crazy, and it has only been just over a week, but I feel like it is such a part of me. It sets new constraints, but what is life but new challenges? Just think, when I get my birthday doggie, I can use the hose for a leash when I take my doggie for a walk. No hands!

Well, I better go. I also have to take care of one slight problem right now. Sometimes the hose acts like a siphon and starts dripping my poo juices. I have to figure that one out still. Being a mother, a working professional, etc, I just don't have time to constantly wipe the hose, and clean it off. I have a plastic baggie over all of my chairs and couch. I think I will have to construct a sort of drip bag or something. It seems to happen when my bowels start filling up, but other days I am surprised when it discharges the poo juice for no apparent reason. It has only been a short while, and I have yet to master the flexible camera hose into my lifestyle.



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