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I had the morning perfectly planned out. I had a list of what I had to do
before I had to leave, and I had a list of what to bring. I was chopping
garlic and melting butter and sprinkling cheese for garlic bread. I was
trying to decide what to wear (I went with something very me - purple and
blue, with a flowy skirt - and was the most flamboyantly dressed of all
and I didn't feel weird about that). I was a little late. I can't remember the last time I've been in a room full of women with such vibrant energy. It was so refreshing! I have to admit, I was most excited about meeting Beth, as I've admired her writing for about a year now. I was also looking forward to getting to chat with Karen again. But, during the course of the meeting I discovered so many fabulous people that my bookmark list has swelled; I don't know when I'll get a chance to read them all everyday! I HAD done some homework before coming, I swear! So, it was a neat little detective game for me, to sit and listen to everyone chatting while I tried to decide which journal belonged to whom. Rachel was exactly as sweet and accommodating a hostess as I had thought she would be from her journal. I chatted with Wendy a bit about her efforts to find and combine information for pregnant women with diabetes on the web (you go, girl!). Mimi was so breathtakingly outgoing and vibrant in her all-American, somewhat wholesome way that she almost, almost outshone Eleanor's more cosmopolitan approach to the whole beautiful-blonde-with-sparkling-personality image. Even the quiet ones won my admiration, especially Bella when she stood outside on the deck and taunted the other smokers inside by smoking in an utterly cool way. I'm all against smoking, but she was so aloof and cool I swear James Dean was going to pick her up on his motorcycle after the party. If I sound like I'm gushing, well, you're right. You have to understand that I was nervous as hell going in there - wouldn't you be, knowing that every person in the room was going to write about this party on the web and hopefully - hopefully - link to you in the prosess? I started off with a Coke, but I soon spied the wine and a glass and a half later I was tipsily chatting with Karen in the kitchen while heating up my garlic bread for her. I'm still pretty quiet, even when drunk, but I managed to join in the big girl-talk that happened nearer to the end. Man, start a conversation about porn, dildoes, penis size, tampons...anything that "most" people would have trouble talking about and I'm all over it (though no one there 'cept those poor guys Jay and Lew who were silent and seemed - to me - overawed by the amount of stunning female energy in the room). And I was holding back! I briefly considered trying to drop some jaws, but, y'know, with a roomful of women like that I probably wouldn't have caused an eyelid to bat! Everyone was so supportive and outgoing and accepting...they were the antithesis of the girls in the entry I was going to read. I was too shy to ask at the meeting, but I have to wonder: When are we gonna do this again? Women are so cool. I was a little afraid I'd fall into a hero-worship type thing over Beth, especially since the day before I had bought her a small, living Xmas tree that she could put on her bookshelf so Doc wouldn't knock it over. (Well, I had just read her entry right before I went to the supermarket, and I walk in and see these cute little trees for a good price and I just thought, ok, that's fate.) She loved it. I'm so glad she didn't think I was a big weirdo for doing that. She was so nice and smart and...well, she's a real person, you know? I never once felt intimidated by her (it was all that female, supportive energy all around us - I felt (sorry for the word choice here) empowered by the group). Very down-to-earth, yet witty and fun. And she said very nice things about me in her journal, which made my day. Last night, after the journallers meeting was over, David came over to watch the Simpsons. Have I mentioned here yet that we're getting along famously these days? I guess I've almost been afraid to mention it here, as I've spent so much energy in this journal contemplating our lesser moments...well, don't want to tempt fate and all that. Todd and I had a long talk Saturday night and I told him about Fifi Danger! and how it works, and he thought it was a great idea. It really does work. It allows the other person to call you out on your behavior in a rather neutral way (rather than saying, "You're acting like a big fat jerk again"). Of course, you've really got to be past the mud-slinging phase of the break-up (or relationship turmoil of your choice) to make this work. You've got to *know* and own the fact that you sometimes are digging for something that's going to hurt you - and you've got to want that to change. I don't want to be that person anymore, and David still loves me enough to call a kindly-said "Oh, honey, why are you fifi dangering me all of the sudden?" when I start. And I love him and trust him enough now to back off, "Oooh. You're right. Sorry. So, how was work today?" Anyhow, things have been good. | ||
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