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Obviously, one of my new year's resolutions is not to write more in my
online journal. Not that I'm abandoning it, mind you, but I'm a little
ashamed to start the new year out this way. Oh, hell, as far as self-esteem is concerned, my new year was slapped upside the head, but there was nothing really I could do about it, so I'm gonna let it go, let it go.... Actually, the reason I've been away from the journal the past few days is that I was working on my latest How-to article for Clean Sheets. If you're not squeamish about sex, and you're not my mother, go ahead and read it. I'm pretty pleased with myself for simply making the time to sit down and work on it, and I'm going to try to make that sort of time for writing REGARDLESS of whether I'm writing under a deadline or not. I'm actually much better with a deadline than with no goal in sight, but the thing about deadlines is that I have to make sure to clear lots of space the week before them, since that's too often when I start writing. Good under pressure, terrible at maintenance, that seems to be me righ now. David and I had a long talk last night about developing habits, and I pointed out to him that I'm always disproprotionately proud when I managed to get something under my belt as a habit. Flossing my teeth (and using my little tartar squeegie) is something I've FINALLY gotten in the habit of doing, and I'm like a proud papa about that. David doesn't quite grok this, as he's such an extreme creature of habit. Anyhow, this article was born from little encouragements such as telling my housemates, "We can watch 'Heather's' if you give me an hour right now to work on my article." then going in my room, shutting the door, and working for an hour and 45 minutes (they didn't mind the delay). I felt so ... so efficient and legitimate, working like that. Last night I was just working on the final edit, so I left my door open so my housemates could look and and see how damn good I was. Not that they really cared, and not that it's healthy to need such external feedback (or imaginary feedback), but, hey, it made me feel good. Like a kind of silent bragging. I'm such a kid sometimes... Anyway, I am going to try and make myself sit down and write like that for 2 hours a night. I'm not all that social these days anyway, and I might as well make some good use of my time. I yearn to be a writer, and I feel so damn good about myself when I'm writing, that this can have nothing but positive results, right? (Yes, Heather!) If I skip a night, I'll learn to love and forgive myself and get right back on track. I'll buy a yoga tape for those days when I can't make it to the YMCA, so I can get in a focused mood. And I'm going to write. And submit my stuff. And I'll be so damn organized and good .... that.... that.... ...that I won't need someone praising me for every word I turn. | ||
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