Dear Diary . . . day by day

Saturday, July 7th, 2001 - Healing

Well, I'm not going to apologize for not updating very frequently, as the pain in my neck, arms and hands is about the best excuse I can think of. I do miss writing here, don't get me wrong; it's just that there are so many other things I should be writing.
I met with my chiropractor, Dr. Wong, on Thursday to talk about my treatment goals and to look at my X-rays. Well, if there was any doubt that I was injured before I went to the doctor, I'm dead sure of it now.
He explained to me what the goals of chirpractic care are: basically, my bones are out of line right now, pinching nerves and causing the pain. They got this way from doing the same damaging motions over and over again without proper breaks. His job, as the chiropractor, is to realign me three times a week; it has to be so frequent because my muscles are used to this wrong position and have to get used to being aligned properly again. Physical therapy will help me regain strength (and relearn how to do things in a way that won't hurt me - things like sitting, turning knobs, etc).
The X-rays were of my neck, and it was scary to look at the "textbook neck" and then over at my poor neck for comparison. My neck curves the wrong way, y'all. It should be a shallow, backwards "C" and instead it's an "F". He has to treat my neck so that signals from my brain can flow properly to the RSI parts of my body. I have no idea how my neck got this way; Dr. Wong told me it looks the same as the severe whiplash cases he's seen in his office. I no longer wonder about my neck pain; it's pretty clear why I can't look down at something on a desk for long periods of time; my neck is fucked.
So, anyway, the short term goal is 2 months of treatment until the pain goes away. Two months. I can get painkillers if I want them, but a) painkillers affect me very strongly (and in unpleasant ways and b) I feel as if I should know when things hurt, so I won't keep doing them and damage myself more.
Tim came up to see me this weekend, which is such a relief. I was getting very grouchy, doing all that driving. I was on the phone with Holly when he walked in, but I was so happy to see him that I came over and petted him and kissed him while getting off the line. I was amused to see his mood was very similar to mine after driving an hour and a half on those roads, a sort of "hi-nice-to-see-you-let's-get-my-stuff-in-so-I-can-really-be-here" mood. I understood entirely, but it was nice to be the one at home for a change.
Tim's moving in in three weeks! Eep! Sometimes it hits me how soon this all is, what a big change. I'm not freaking out or anything, but sometimes I get a little scared. It was good talking to Holly yesterday, as she's also making the same kind of life-change right now and can totally relate to the feelings I'm having. It makes me feel less crazy.
Poor Holly also has to come to terms with living in one of the most wonderful cities in the world (and the competition that comes along with that). It's humbling, to pitch yourself against a big, cultural center like this and realize that what passed for extraordinary in Indiana won't raise an eyebrow out here. I'm so glad she's out here, learning and trying and raising her goals higher and higher. It's so good for her to be pushed like this; she's going to do great things. Just you watch.
Me, I'm gonna do great things too. I just have to get well first, so I can type again. I'm positive now that living with Tim will be very, very good for my writing. He's a wonderful influence. I look at him and I see one way of how to be a successful writer. I catch his enthusiasms, and even if I don't (and right now, can't) work the same way he does, they spur me on. I write more around him. I feel like I'm actually working towards my goals, now. Taking my career more seriously. But the best thing is the ego. I think I'm good. I know I can do this. And that's wonderful.

Exercise log:
Er . . .
Writing log:
Wrote a sex scene for "Secondary Situation" which not only filled out the story (making the protagonist's motives much more clear) but made it erotic enough to submit to the late call for MA's Bodies of Water anthology. I then went ahead and submitted "Feeding Time", "Statue of a Nymph" and "Golden Apples" to various markets, making 4 subs on the fourth of July. I rule.
I'm currently reading:
American Gods by Neil Gaiman
My new PO Box is:
Heather Shaw
P.O. Box 13222
Berkeley, CA 94712-4222

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