Wednesday, June 5th 2002 - A Finely Aged Wine
Today is the five year anniversary of me moving to California. Huh. Lot has changed with me over those five years, and not to be immodest, but I'm a much better person now than then. Not that I was holy hell or anything when I left Indiana -- actually, I remember thinking at the time that my life was pretty good just then; I had lots of friends, in several diverse (for Indiana, for my experience at the time) groups; I was surrounded by good people, but I was afraid of stagnating, so I left. And I learned a HELL of a lot here in the past 5 years, and while it's not all unique to California/ the Bay Area, I certainly wouldn't be the same person had I stayed back in the Midwest. Anyway, didn't really mean to dwell on "how much I've changed". Just decided I should write my weekly entry (I'm trying for at least that much, folks) and I'm letting myself ramble. Whee! Free association, with only a little bit of structure thrown in to help with the motion sickness. So, last night, before we braved the gym, Tim and I checked the contents of our PO box. We have a new reader of the year. Any person who sends us a matchbox car to symbolically replace our junkers (though Tim will claim his is not) is pretty cool, but the sushi dinner sent from overseas is stunningly kind. My thanks to the man with the cool name in 5-0. You rock. Ok, so one last thing, and then I think I need to get back to the DVD player and my boyfriend. See, I got my Buffy Season 2 DVD through work today (yup, a week early; got the connections, man) and it's calling my name. But I wanted to comment on something first. Those of you squeamish about sex or, um, consent issues, might not want to read it. Then again, maybe you're the ones who need to. Ok, first off, I'm not claiming to have all the answers here. To sum it up so you don't have to follow links if you don't want to, Jette has recently decided to avoid sex with someone she might otherwise consider having sex with because she doesn't want to deal with the blowjob issue (there are other reasons, but we're boiling it down here). Specifically, in her past men have forced her head down and not let her up when she needed air, and it's very understandably put her off cocksucking. Mary Anne is shocked that men do this as frequently as Jette implies, and her one experience with it she managed to handle by stopping all action and having a long, stern talk with the offender. I'm impressed with Mary Anne; part of the problem here is that this whole subject is very, very difficult for many women to discuss at all with their partners, let alone stop in the middle of the act to discuss. These days, that's what I'd do, too -- smack the fuckwit's hands off my head (pry them off, if I had to) and start the talks off with a hearty "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, ASSHOLE?'. But I think it's fair to say I'm more comfortable with sex than many people, including my younger self. Ah, but when I was younger, sure, this happened to me. Tempting to put up a survey to see how many women have had this happen to them; I think it's common. And I don't think it's even just the asshole guys who do it (though, at a certain age, I think most guys are capable of some assholish behavior, even if some of them later grow out of it; no, not all men, and yes women can be assholes too, but we're getting off topic). Anyway, I was saying I understand that something feels good and an immature guy might be more comfortable expressing "GOD DON'T STOP PLEASE!" with his hands instead of his voice. Ok. Not excusing it, just acknowledging the source. But, what do you do when they don't notice YOUR physical cues that you can't breathe and you're not having fun and "PLEASE LET ME UP!"? My suggestion? Throw up all over his cock. Oh, he'll stop. (If he doesn't, he's a sicker fuck than you thought and get the hell out ASAP.) Just stop fighting that gag reflex and let nature take over. Yeah, it's embarrassing, but at least you didn't have to say anything to convey YOUR message. It's only fair.	Exercise Log: Finally hit the gym last night after a long abscense due to flu and cons (not in that order). Difficult, especially since I still don't have full use of my lungs/ sinus cavities back yet. Writing log: Hm, wrote a really bad poem and polished off a rather cool (and very short) surreal story. Gonna send it out now. Current Publications: In the Shade of You nominated in the long poem category for the Rhysling and will be reprinted in the 2002 Rhysling Anthology! "How to Suck" reprinted in From Porn to Poetry: Clean Sheets Celebrates the Erotic Mind I've been reading: Currently Reading: Meet Me in the Moon Room by Ray Vukcevich
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