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Next It motivates me, but not quite in the way you'd
think. "Inspiring" is far from the right word. I'm too tired to be
inspired by anything these days. My to-do
list for this weekend is so long and I've only got two days to do it
in! Argh! Add to my chores the fact that the weekends are the only time
I have enough energy to socializing, and you have days off that are just
as hectic as my workdays. Laundry, bills, cleaning, organizing, shopping,
tasks, chores, arrangements to make, people to see and say goodbye to,
articles to write, a computer to get fixed, a bookstore to update, traffic
tickets to get paid in time, not to mention my fiction writing, which
needs a good chunk of uninterupted time and some inspiration. And I have
to see people on the weekends; I'm so fucking lonely during the week,
working in an airless office where no one really cares about me and most
of the engineers haven't bothered to learn my name (even though I've
learned all 14 of theirs) and they call me "Ma'am"! ARGH! Ok, deep
breath. It's still Saturday morning. I still have time to get some of
what I need to get done done. This, this is my concept of
"weekend"; days off when you get to work like a dog for yourself
instead. This is the kind of busy that drains you. This is the kind of
busy most of America lives with for most of their adult lives. There's
nothing I can do to change my immediate situation. Grad school is almost
a year away (assuming I make it in); for now I should probably remain as
numb to my misery as possible.
Born with the Dead by
Robert Silverberg
Woman: An Intimate
Geography by Natalie Angier
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2000
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The Many
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