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I am in a terrible, awful, no good mood today. To be blunt, I got my
period last night, and while I'm grateful not to be pregnant or anything
like that, this month's hormonal changes have been too dramatic in their
effect (affect? I used to know this one, I swear) on my life. Last week
I had huge mood swings. This week, hey! Look! MORE mood swings -
bigger better and even more OUT OF CONTROL! I know how these things
usually are for me, and they're usually not quite so bad. But this month
I feel as if I'm physically fighting some outside force for control over
my body, my actions, my peace of mind. I went to belly dancing class last night - first time in like, 6 weeks. I was so off. I was already in my bad mood, so I was scowling into the mirror the whole time. I couldn't lead, and the nice girl I got paired up with wasn't comfortable leading either. I can dance fine, but this type of dancing needs very specific physical cues so the others can follow you and my repertoire of these moves is still very small. Anyhow, I spent most of that exercise blushing furiously. I got some exercise, though, which is why I went. I just didn't feel emotionally very good about myself afterwards. I stopped at Subway after class to get a sandwich. In front of me in line was:
The street kids ordered one sandwich for the three of them. The Subway guy was rude to them, flinging their tunafish on their sandwich and sighing pointedly over the details of their toppings. The kids were cool and as polite as I've ever heard street kids be (they probably didn't want to get kicked out, as they looked and smelled like the kind of bums who would get kicked out, money or no). They started eating their sandwich and their dog, realizing that the food was not for him, flopped on the floor in such a dejected, flat-doggy, big-eyed state that I immediately felt sorry for him. Subway guy turned to me and was a different person. He was cheery, polite and overly helpful. He looked at me conspiratorily and made evil glances at the street kids, who were still eating. Boy, did that piss me off. Just because I'm clean and white, I get treated like a human being while others don't? If anything, I didn't need the food as badly as those kids or that whore did, yet I was the most welcome at the store. It was sickening. So, after subway guy made my sandwich, I ordered another one - meat only. I asked the kids if I could feed their dog, and after we cleared up the confusion, they readily agreed. Subway guy was even more confused - I didn't want bread? I was going to do WHAT with the meat? Suddenly he narrowed his eyes at me, and I could see him thinking, "I thought you were a nice girl, and here you are spending your money on a bum's DOG of all things! You shouldn't be talking to them, you must not be such a nice girl after all...probably a higher class whore like the one who was just in here...". But, he gave me the meat. He plopped it on the paper and insited on wrapping it up with such contempt that by the time he handed it to me I had to supress a giggle at the dramatic, disapproving scowl on his face. He watched carefully as I bent down and fed the dog (Fulsom was his name), who was very excited at the turkey meat dinner. The street kids were very nice to me, and didn't seem to mind that their dog got my generosity instead of them. We bid each other a good evening, and I went home to devour my own sandwich. I think I'll stop there. For now. | ||
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