I've decided to keep an ongoing diary/journal online. This is for all my (wired) friends back in Indiana that I don't write enough, and for anyone who really wants to get to know me better. If you're not sure who I'm talking about here, you may find more info under Who's who.
As with the "selected" journal, I'm not putting up anything overly personal up here, so quit skimming for the juicy bits and check out my erotic poetry instead.
Finished a story today. It has to be postmarked today, of course. Oh, well. Mary Anne assures me that she submits things up to the deadline all the time. I guess those last-minute habits I developed in school have stuck with me. Hey, at least I'm writing.
It's a beautiful day. I'm going to plant my herbs and veggies today, mail off my story, buy some ladybugs, swim, and hopefully walk in a park. Dinner and Ursula LeGuin with Mary Anne tonight. Ah. I'm certainly enjoying having full days. I'm trying to get my mental space cleared up before jumping into another job. My new idea is to try to work up to a managerial position in a bookstore. It sounds lovely, too bad it's so hard to get those jobs!
Think good thoughts for Mary Anne today. Trust me. Just send good vibes her way.
I'm sitting in Mary Anne's backyard, typing away at a story for an anthology for which the deadline is tomorrow. She's letting me borrow her laptop for the afternoon it seems; we spent the afternoon in a very sweet little coffee shop nearby; she commented on papers while I typed away.
Just now I watched a squirrel run up a limb and out to a swinging branch, before it jumped down on top of the gazebo. It leapt from there to another branch, one of those thin ones that actually support just the leaves, and scurried up to the main part of the trees. It was deft and quick, its tail flicking both to keep its balance and to punctuate its pauses.
It made me think of a time back in college when I was still in a sorority (yes, a little evil secret from my past for you there). Ruth was having the pledges do this little exercise, and I did it with them, as I was music leader or some such thing where I was partially responsible for the education of the pledge class. It was a story, where you're walking through the woods and you come upon a building of some sort, an animal of some sort etc. You picked the building, the animal and other things to fill in your part of the story. Then we went back through and Ruth told us what each of these things symbolized. I only remember the animal, because it caused me some disappointment at the time. I usually choose a cat, when asked for my favorite animal, and I almost did during this exercise too. But I wanted to be more creative and original, so I picked a squirrel, a "true Franklin College squirrel" because we had tons of them on our campus (they occasionally barked at students). The animal represented how we viewed ourselves. I was upset because it was chic to hate our school (there was a lot to be disgruntled about, but it may also have been the age I was -- anything that was established must naturally be bad).
So when I saw that squirrel just now, so freely climbing up where it looks impossible to go, I was reminded of how dismal I thought squirrel symbols were. And how free he seems right now.
I'd like to focus on this, make it mine. Let me think, what have I done recently that seemed impossible to do? Moved out here, for one thing. Published a story? There are a lot of things I am doing or am involved with out here that I never thought or even imagined I'd be doing. For example, I went to a Bardic circle at Greyhaven with Mary Anne last month. I've gone to readings before, but never one so *good*. The authors there were not only fabulous story tellers, but they were entertaining as well. And encouraging.
That's one thing I'm truly thankful for out here: the encouragement I get on my writing. Mary Anne (not to gush all over her too much, but I'm afraid it's inevitable, seeing how cool she is) has almost taken me under her wing. Ok, I *feel* taken in by her (in more ways than one). She's a role model; she is a semi-professional writer with her own following, yet she's taken a lot of time and energy to encourage me in my efforts. Sometimes I feel guilty on how little I've followed up on her advice and help, yet I still eagerly accept all that she offers me. She also has helped take me in, and it was mostly through her that I have my circle of friends out here; she called me and dragged me off to parties to make sure I wouldn't "disappear" after Ian broke up with me. I admire her social skills, how she balances a huge group of friends and how she throws magnificent parties every two months. She's put herself through grad school, manages all sorts of things like writing workshops, editing her book, writing freelance material, contacting publishers. Networking falls short of describing everything she can accomplish by simply knowing people. Ach. I gush, I gush. Here I was trying to list everything I've done, and I list everything I admire about Mary Anne. I suppose that's what friends are for: accessible role models.
Had a good women's chat with Dawn and Mary Anne this afternoon. It made me realize how many of my friends out here are men, and how much I miss the support of my solid female friends back in Indiana. Shel, Kellie, Holly . . . *sigh* I should make an effort to hang out with women more often out here. Women just seem harder to meet, for some reason.
Tomorrow night Mary Anne and I are going to hear Ursula K. LeGuin speak in Berkeley. I'm very excited; I believe this only compares to when a group of us went to see Tom Wolfe speak in Bloomington Indiana a few years back. This should be better, though, since it's in a bookstore and might be more intimate. I've only read one of her books so far, but I was terribly impressed. I love living in this area
What else? I'm rambling in my journal now. Talked to David tonight for a nice long time. He's got a lot on his mind for being on vacation! I'm sure it will calm down when he actually gets to the Caribbean (he's still in New York); unfortunately, he won't be reachable for even a phone chat down there - ack! withdrawal! *sigh* I just miss him; I'm sure I'll live, I know.
Ok, ok, goodnight now. Sweet dreams darlings.
Speaking of phone calls, I just spent two entire hours on the phone with Kellie, my old roomie from Franklin. Oh! It was so wonderful, to talk to her and catch up on all the Franklin gossip! I actually felt as if I was in Franklin again, dealing with all of those issues and problems . . . nicer than what I have to deal with out here, that's for sure! There's something to be said for a small town with a teeny tiny college -- at least you can *do* something! At least you matter, or if you don't, they have to pretend like you do! Anyway, Kellie sounds like fresh peaches in August right now. She just got her first real job, at a temp agency! Oh, my. We had a good laugh about that. But she's working *at* the temp agency, not for it, and the company's growing and it sounds like a good position for her. She's also playing Helen of Troy in the FC production of Orestes; the face that launched a thousand ships and I think Kellie's the only person I know that could pull that one off! Anyhow, she's doing well, and I was glad to get to talk to her.
Well, my email isn't working properly yet, so if any of you want to write me, write to gryffn@yahoo.com until further notice. Mary Anne mentioned (on my answering machine -- my life is my answering machine these days) an intriguing email she sent earlier this week, and I'm dying to read it and haven't been able to yet! Rrgh. I'll have to try and get her on the phone before Thursday. And I thought scheduling would be easier with David gone! Hah.
Oh, I almost forgot. Last night Todd and I went to see Scream 2 and it was really entertaining! I thought it was much better than the original. A self-referential, post-modern, hip-and-now movie that both makes fun of and is a bad horror flick. The mystery is much better this time around, as the surprise ending can possibly be guessed, though it's not likely. I wasn't even scared (ok, I screamed several times) to go home afterwards.
Distance make the heart grow fonder (and realize how much we rely on special people to help ease us over the bumps in life).
Gods, I miss David. I'll put up the poem I scribbled after dropping him off at the airport yesterday on the "Publicly a Muse" poetry page.
Sigh.
Helped Todd move yesterday. David's hatchback came in *very* useful, as we wouldn't have been able to move Todd's furniture otherwise. And I'm now quite the pro at the stick shift, even if I still tense up if I have to stop on a hill. Still, I forgot what it's like to have to drive a lot. I'd never driven out here, and I'll tell you, it's a madhouse. Driving down the street looks like a video game, with a bicycle on your right, an in-line skater on the left, people crossing and idiots pulling out in front of you. Thank god I'm a good driver.
I'm going to try and swim every day until I get a new job. I need to feel better about myself, and I'm sure that would help. I'm going for a waiting job, I think. Or Good Vibrations, where it would be a blast to work. I don't think I mold to corporate environments very well, and I agree with David, I should take it as a compliment.
I also need to write every day until I get a job. Finally time to put all those ideas on paper!!
BTW, I've put up poetry by Holly and Craig. Give 'em a read if you have a chance!
Had a lovely evening with David last night. Ed, who was supposed to come over to jam (they both play guitar) canceled, but I did my "keep myself occupied while they play" chore (laundry) anyway. David's apartment is almost like home, so I think I'll do my laundry there from now on. I hate laundry mats.
David and I spent some time surfing sites that I'm not allowed to go to at work. (On a 28.8 modem, it's a bit more tedious than my T-3 line at work). There's a phenomenon on the web: web cams. Women (men too, though they're not as popular) have a little on-line camera that films their daily activities. We spent some time at the top-rated site (according to Yahoo!), Aja-cam. Aja, who is admittedly very beautiful, charges $19.95 a month for a membership that'll give you a new picture every 30 seconds. The "guest-cam" reloads every 5 minutes; David and I got to see Aja flicking the ashes off her cigarette (she's a dancer and she *smokes*!?) and waited 5 minutes to see Aja working on her computer. Whoo-hoo! Oh, baby.
Still, she must be making a fortune at $20/member/month -- especially being rated #1 in Yahoo!. It brings us into a whole new category of "questionable activities"; a new cousin to stripping for a living. I wonder what it's like, living under the eye of possibly thousands of people every day. When I was a kid, I used to think that's what soap-operas were, a live camera filming people's lives. Huh, what a good story idea, cam-life. Don't worry, mom, I can't afford a cam for "research" on that story. 'Sides, I'm not really home enough!
I just had the weirdest call. This guy had two accounts open, which happens sometimes here. But he didn't remember opening the second account at all. After a few minutes of discussing which account to cancel, his personality switched and he started talking about the *other* account. He'd been using both accounts - back and forth - and I realized that this guy was probably suffering from a multiple personality disorder. He had no memory from one to the other, and I found myself repeating things I had just said a few minutes ago. I finally just picked the best account to cancel, made a note in his case about my suspicions as to his mental state, and got him off the phone. It was scary, talking to him. Am I living in California yet?
David is leaving for two weeks on Sunday. He's going to Princeton to support his friend Fran during her PhD Defense, then he's off on his annual family vacation: scuba diving in the Caribbean. I know. It must be nice.
Jasmine, his kitty, is pretty much like all female cats: a little standoffish, but cute as all get-out. She's getting used to me, and I think we'll be good friends after I care for her for two weeks. She's used to eating at 5pm, and I won't be getting home until 8pm . . . I guess she'll just have to get over that.
David let me drive his car around the block last night. I was pleased that it wasn't like learning a stick for the first time -- I didn't stall or jerk the car at all. David wasn't as impressed as I wanted him to be, but oh well. He's right, the big test will be driving on these hills! Central Indiana (where I'm from) is completely flat.
Mom *and* David complained about me calling myself a "kid" in yesterday's entry, even though I'm 25 years old. I was just trying to make clear the difference in ages at that party, and I defaulted to the simplest distinction. I *am* an adult -- I pay my own bills etc. I just consider myself young.
I forgot to mention that yesterday was Todd's birthday!! Whoops! He did his best not to tell anyone, but I'm usually *much* nosier than that. I didn't forget to celebrate it with him, but Happy belated 25th anyway, Todd!
I had a good time last night. Todd and I went to a BQ in someone's backyard. There were 3 adults (2 men and a woman) and 6 kids (me and Rachel were the only girls). There was wine and beer, and the wine was EXPENSIVE and, oh, there's a better word, maybe copious? ALOT of GOOD wine. Bill, who was tall, thin with gray hair and a british accent (just back from Moscow) told a story about riding his moped in Albany, wearing a hardhat, and getting a ticket. We all laughed alot, and it was nice to be so social. Rachel had gone on a strip club tour several years ago, and I got a list of places to check out (research on a story I want to write). We talked about "realdoll.com" where they sell silicone dolls (just like the real thing!) for $5000. It was a nice night, and Todd was happy, since I was grouching about "how long do we have to stay" before we got there.
What else? Ate leftover pizza at Todd's (I got drunk so fast because I thought we were going out to eat; we didn't and I didn't eat until around 10:30pm when we got to Todd's), then stumbled to BART (where I ran into Charles, from work), took a picture of a computer on a trash can, stumbled home (that MacArthur parking lot is very well lit), and went to sleep with my contacts in around midnight. I woke up at 6am (goddamnit). Why am I waking up early? I was so tired last night!
Today:
Well, I just checked Mary Anne's journal and she (finally ;-) mentioned this page! Omigoodness. I really can't get over my good luck in meeting her; I'm honored to be her friend, really. And as a professional contact, well, she's amazingly helpful and completely encouraging (not to mention flattering as all hell). This journal, hell, this whole page would never have happened without her influence. (I'm sure it makes Mom happy, as she doesn't have to keep bugging me to email her on the recent events of my life). Anyhow, thanks for the mention, Mary Anne. I'll make sure to start spell checking my pages.
One thing that I'm thinking about changing is my job. Or my career-path, I should say. There's a good chance I'm going to get technical training soon. Maybe I'll like it, maybe I'm just afraid . . .
I hope no one at work reads this.
So, I was thinking about going back to school and getting my teaching degree. I've got an English degree, which right now is good enough to teach in Oakland, as there is a shortage of teachers. I think they've declared an emergency, so that you can teach while working towards your degree. I should look into taking a class or two this summer, so I can get a job teaching high school English this fall.
Sure, I'm scared. It's hard to leave a job when you've already got one; especially when it's going to be alot of work and a significant pay cut. Plus, I've only substituted in Indiana, which isn't exactly a diverse location. Oakland could be challenging.
To skip back up to the first line of today's entry (hey, it's a diary, not an essay), I woke up at 6am and decided, hey, I might as well go try for my license. I had an appointment on Thursday, but I was afraid I'd have to take the test again and since David is leaving on Sunday, and I have to drive his car/housesit/and take care of Jasmine, his kitty, I thought the sooner the better. (Yes, I know that the previous sentence was a run-on. I want to teach Literature, not Grammar). So I woke up David (who was sleeping so sweetly, *sigh*) and had him drive me to the DMV. I looked like hell (David says, "It's your driver's license, it's supposed to be a bad photo"), but, hey, I only missed 2 (out of 35 or so - I could only miss 5 total)! In CA, they take your picture, give you a piece of paper (an interim license), and mail the real one to you in 4 weeks! Harumph! At least they let me keep my expired Indiana license so I have something to show when I get carded!
My mom asked about the woman under the train (see April 16th entry). Yes, I checked the paper the next day. I checked several, and there was no mention of the accident. This frightened me even more; they announced the delay as due to a "medical emergency", which I hear on BART trains about once every 2 months or so. To think it is so common an occurrence as to not even make the paper!!
So, this weekend:
I had Friday off, because I was planning on taking a vacation. That had fallen through, but I decided not to turn down my excused absence. David and I went shopping; I tried to find a chest of drawers, but no luck. David was a fairly good sport: we went to the post office, the cheese shop, St. Vincent dePaul's, the Bread Workshop, a junkyard, Goodwill, Kmart then home. We also stopped off at the first spot I lived out here, which was too creepy for words.
Had Fried Rice for dinner, which was really yummy. I can't tell you how exciting it is when David tries a new recipe. My mom is also a really good cook, but she has such a huge variety of recipes I'm afraid I got a bit spoiled. David has mentioned several times he wants to borrow our family cookbook (which my mom, the eternal librarian, put together a copy for me, my sister and herself). I hope he learns to make vegetarian baskets and stuffed pasta shells (both really tricky recipes I'll never get around to doing myself). How exciting!
Saturday was miserable. David and I had stayed up until 4am the night before, then got up too early on Saturday. I thought some friends had stood me up (misunderstanding) and David's mood left *much* to be desired and things just didn't go well after that. I fell asleep around 10pm, which is terribly early for me.
Sunday was nice. Restful. My friend Joe was down for the weekend, so I went over to the Kidz house (Dan and Elizabeth are the Kidz; Todd and Peter also live there, but Peter wasn't there Sunday). We looked at pictures from the Kidz trip to Europe for awhile. They took some really good shots; they put each other in front of some amazing views, which gave a nice sense of scale.
The Kidz went to look at houses (they're trying to buy in Berkeley, which is a major competition) and Joe, Todd and I sunned ourselves on the back porch. Todd taught Joe tabla sounds (a very tricky instrument to play correctly; Joe's a good drummer, and it was interesting to hear him sound like a beginner again) as I basked in the sun and read My Secret History by Paul Theroux. It was very relaxing, especially after my Saturday.
Went to eat at Picantes, which was yummy. I had rajas tacos. Rajas is a kind of marinated cactus that has a spicy flavor.
I don't know what made me think of this, but I need to start learning Spanish. I'm kicking myself for not taking it more than the one year in high school; it would be *so* useful out here.
Ian came over later and we had pasta with Sharon. He took over an hour to look at our wiring, and was very impressed with the LAN that was set up in our house (and suggested we set one up, as the "hard part" is done already). I'm *so* grateful Ian is my friend, as he figured it all out (w/out tearing out our nice wiring, as P*B would have) and connected up my phone line! Whoo-hoo!!! I have a phone line!
It turned out to be a very pleasant evening.
Today:
I walked up to South Park for lunch again today. There's a little italian cafe up there called Cafe Centro that has *delicious* salads, sandwiches and specials. It also can be noted for their incredibly attractive staff. Today, I got a Brie and Pear Salad, which was incredibly yummy. The mixed greens (spinach, lettuce, red lettuce, boston lettuce, dandelion etc) and thinly sliced pears were dribbled with a sweet, thick dressing, topped with imported brie and two pieces of crusty italian bread. YUM. I always get it to go and walk across the little street to the central park (er, that would be South Park) and eat it in the sun. Today I noticed an older man picking through the garbage, pulling up the uneaten portions of people's lunches. When he had a few, he sat on a park bench and ate it while he shared the bready bits with the numerous pigeons. Made me a little sad, as I feel it a little undignified. I couldn't help but watch, and he didn't seem to upset by it. He was well-dressed, too, so I wonder if he was just trying to save money (my grandmother's been known to "save" sugar packets from restaurants . . . older people sometimes have odd ideas). When I left, later, I smiled at him and he said, in a loud voice, "Hullo there, lady!".
People have been calling me "lady" alot lately.
The pigeons are in heat. I love watching the males puff up and strut around behind the hens, trying to mount them while they peck for crumbs. There was this fetching little hen with a white tuft on her head who gave this look that I swear said, "Let me eat, dammit".
I know, I'm weird . . .
After I ate I went over to the swings and swung like I used to when I was a little girl. I used to be *good* at swinging; I know how to pump my legs and get *really* high. My hips are much wider these days, and I make the set creak a bit, but I luckily found a swing that was high enough. I leaned waaaay back and let the tree tops rush past as my hair dusted the sand. Aaahhhh. To be 4 years old again!
Totally different news:
The authors for Maiden Voyage have been conversing with each other via email, and it's been *so* much fun! We've already started to exchange ideas, and the group is a fine bunch, to be sure. I've already started fantasizing about creating an "online" writer's group; maybe we can put together our own anthologies and sell them as a group. I'm already mentally scheduling our North American and European tours!!
Ahhh, I love living in my head some days . . .
After working so hard all day, 8 of us (Carol, Jody, Ian, El, Sherman, David, Me and Mary Anne) went hottubbing in Albany. They have this room w/out a ceiling, so you can look at the stars while you soak. There was just enough room for all of us. It's a CA phenomenon- social hottubbing. Very fun, though, and a nice thing to do when you're too tired to go dancing.
Sunday was a High Tea at Thida's house, but I had a terrible headache and was terribly tired from Sat. David took me grocery shopping (I only had cereal at home) and I hung out with my new roomies. They thought I was a nice Indiana girl, and here I am writing erotica! They're both UC Berkeley students; Sharon is in photojournalism and Jorge is a soc/psych major. I like them alot. We're sadly lacking kitchen supplies, and I cringe every time I buy something I know I already have at home!
My phone still isn't working. Ian was supposed to fix it last Thursday, but he didn't get home until 11:30, so we rescheduled until Monday, but then he was really sick, so now he's coming over tonight! I hope he can fix it; he's really good with these sorts of things, so I think he can!
I'm keeping a list of anthology submission deadlines and using them as assignments for myself. Nothing new, yet. I don't have time to write much, which is a pity.
I wrote my favorite college profs to tell them I sold a story. They're all very proud, of course. Michael even suggested that I might be able to get Franklin to buy a copy and even have a display case in their library!!! Can you imagine? New erotica writers - on display at Franklin!!! It was kind of him to say that.
Oh, dear. Yes, I need to spell check my web page, that's for sure. I guess I need to work more on that bio, too. I'm still waiting to see if Holly or Craig are going to send me text for their "pages". I especially want stuff on Craig's band.
My Mom sent me this note about my sister:
>Yesterday, I went to the Poetry Awards ceremony. Holly won 2nd place! >I was really proud...she won 45 dollars. She'll have to send you a >copy of her bizaare poem.....it was a dream where her mother was using >an exacto knife to carve a red ribbon into or onto her head! I was >proud!
Filed my taxes today. Scary, dropping them in a mailbox. Of course, IN was not only the HARDEST to complete, but the only one that wanted money from ME!! CA and Federal gave me almost $300 back! Whoo-hoo!
Oh, I almost forgot. There's a good chance that I may get technical training soon! One of our managers here asked if I'd be interested, and my direct supervisors have been talking about it for a week or so now. Cross your fingers . . . that's $3 more an hour and MUCH nicer people on the phone.
Here's a hint: If anyone on the phone tells you to write a letter for a credit you think you deserve and tells you it's "policy", try calling again and getting a different rep. Sharon was bemoaning having to write a letter, and I told her to call back and be real nice about it and she got the credit, no prob. If, the second time, they STILL won't give it to you, quietly and politely insist on talking to a supervisor. *Don't* let them sign you up for a "callback". Refuse to get off the phone until you talk to a supervisor. Remain calm, explain the situation ad nauseum. Don't give up, keep repeating yourself calmly, explain over and over again. They should eventually give you the credit to get you off the phone.
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