Dear Diary . . . day by day

A week ago it was, "I don't know yet, but I have options!" I was actually planning on joining Corn and Rebecca at a mellow hot tub party at their friend Doc's house. That sounded low-stress enough, and it was in Oakland, so I didn't have to worry about bomb threats on the bridges. I should've kept in touch with them, but the week before I left was just too insane and then I was in Indiana and...
Suffice to say, their plans have changed a bit. Oh, I suppose I could still go along, and I'm considering it, but that would mean squeezing in at a restaurant where they already have reservations for 9, not 10, and going to a party with people I don't know.

I don't know about you, but one of the things I hate about New Year's is the pressure to have a good time. Every year this happens. Every year I wait for an invite or to hear about some great party, and every year I end up going to a party where I hardly know anyone and I feel all alone and weird, like, "Hey, this is the time of year when you're supposed to be with all your close friends and I don't know any of these people!" It makes it very hard to find someone to kiss, feeling like that.

Ok, last year was different. Last year David and I sat around his apartment until 11:30 or so, at which time we started making out/having sex, finishing at 11:58. So close. I really enjoyed myself last year, as I wasn't at a party and I didn't have that pressure to meet someone to kiss or have the time of my life or anything like that. Just a mellow evening at David's with some end of the year sex thrown in for good measure. I wanted to do that again this year, but David's being, well, very David, and has declared (a week in advance) that he knows that he'll want to be alone that night and has refused to allow me to hang out with him. Which is ok, 'cept that he's the only person I can think of who is going to be having one of those mellow evenings, and me, I don't like hanging out alone on the biggest party night of the year. Feels too weird, you know?

Jenna might be going to a party and she's sorta invited me along, but again, I wouldn't know the people too well. Actually, maybe I would; it's possible there'd be a lot of the old Homefinder's gang there, but then again, I've not spoken to most of them for over a year now. Sigh. I do want to swing by Lydia's to see Kaylei and Kiera, but I don't want to be in that neighborhood after dark on that night. I suppose my best option is to join Aron and Jen (my housemates) on their "cheesy" celebration: Jen invited me to join them as they go find somewhere fun to dance the night away. I haven't been out dancing in awhile, and that sounds like fun, actually. The main problem with this one is (you can guess this, can't you?) I'm afraid of feeling like a third wheel. But, at least I'm used to being around those two and, who knows? maybe I'll find some other lonely guy (or cute grrl) to kiss at midnight at wherever we're dancing. But there's that pressure again, which I hate.

I told Jen I wished I had the guts to do one of the following:

• Borrow a tent (mine has a busted zipper) and go up to the Oakland Redwood parks and just camp out for the night. Honestly, I'm afraid of some idiots taking to the woods with guns in anticipation of the apocolypse. I don't really want to camp alone on that night; I saw Blair Witch, you know.
• Buy a blond bob wig, dress up really wild and sexy, and just go out and find a party by myself. I'd make up a name and a character history and just pretend to be someone else the whole night. I've always wanted to do this, and it seems to be a good night for losing oneself in the crowd. However, the chance that I'll feel stupid or meet someone I already know seems like too big a risk. I could easily end up crying in the corner, and I don't want to deal with that.

I just wish I knew what I was going to be doing that damn night. Any suggestions?