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I'm sure you're all wondering what the hell is up with me. I wonder that
myself, but I'll try to give you some details. Basically, there's not
really anything for me at the company I'm at right now. I'd LOVE to go
into more detail, believe me, but I know that some people who work at the
same company read this journal, and I don't want to put anyone in an
awkward position from knowing too many details. Maybe I'll start a
mailing list where I can dish to certain people, but that involves more
time and work which are things I just don't have the heart for these
days. Let's just say that I should probably find another job soon, before
anger or apathy do some damage. David was a good friend to me last week, letting me come over right after a miserable first day back at work. He let me put my head in his lap (a position which requires little participation from him, but leaves me feeling much more comforted than almost any other attempt at physical contact with him) and he gave me a sentence which I repeated over and over like a mantra. Of course, I can no longer remember the exact wording, but the jist was something like this: The business world does not nurture my spirit. I like this; it seems to be a no-fault approach to the reason why I was a whiz at waiting tables at a pizza joint in Franklin, IN for well over a year (I only quit when I moved out here) but I can't seem to make any manager quite happy enough in an office situation. I take that back, I can't seem to make anyone happy in the long-term. I'm always something of a wonder-worker at first, dazzling my co-workers with my ablility to pick up stuff fast and come up with creative solutions. I'm a show-off that way; I also like learning new things and becoming extremely efficient at them. Unfortunately, this eventually leaves me with copious free-time at work. I say unfortunately because most job situations like for you to look busy all the time. My solution is usually to slow down my pace (essential when doing a temp job, especially one that requires team work w/other temps) or take on extra projects. Of course, you all heard me whine about how no one noticed that last big project I did here (tech writing); guess what? I know for certain now that the big boss certainly had no inkling I did that job (fast, 15 pages in 3 days). And now, well, it really doesn't matter. Preconceived notions are damned hard to overthrow. Oh, hell. I keep dancing around what really happened. Go read Xeney's forum on running away if you want more gritty details. I just can't be that free here. So anyway, here's my plan: No more office jobs. I don't want to sit in front of a computer all day long; it's ruining my wrists/shoulders/neck muscles and it makes me extremely unlikely to come home and write fiction like I want to. I think I'm going to try and get a landscaping/gardening job if they pay enough. I'd enjoy being outside (sunscreen, floppy hats) and I could use the natural exercise, not to mention the experience and learning opportunities. If I can't swing that, then I'm going to wait tables. I want to get a teaching certificate, probably eventually for high school, but for now I'd like to earn a TEFL or ESL certificate so I can teach English overseas when I travel. And that, my friends is my ultimate goal: travel. I'm planning on going to Spain in a few weeks to hang with my sissy, Holly. Then I'll come back and work and save for 6 months. Holly's coming out for Burning Man (already got the tix), which will be a blast, and then I'm planning on leaving to travel in October. I'm thinking about either India or South America for 6 months. I'm leaning towards S. America because I'd love to learn/become fluent in Spanish. I also would like to see the rainforests before we destroy too much of them, not to mention stuff like Machu Picchu... Besides, if I come back fluent in Spanish, that will only increase my chances of getting a good job in this area upon my return. I've been spending lots of time at sites like Lonely Planet and World Stompers. I really like the bulletin boards on Lonely Planet; the advice from other budget travellers seems invaluable. I've put myself on a sort of "Travel Training" which includes getting in shape, learning self-defense, learning Spanish basics, researching travel/South America and learning to cook (and, possibly, to learn to eat some meat, like fish or (gulp) chicken). I have six months, I can do this. I'm amazed by how much easier it is for me to think about this now that I've decided to do it. I've spent too much time being afraid; afraid of failure, afraid of a lack of security, afraid of being alone. Now that I've decided, that I know I'm going to do this no matter what, I find it's simpler to visualize. If I can imagine it, I can do it. Hell, if my baby sister can do it in Europe, I can do it in South America! And it's only been in the past few hundred years that such a thing would even be possible - a young woman can strap on a backpack, save up some money and see the world! I need to do this before I get to old to start (too old or too scared/complacent). If nothing else, travelling around by myself with only a backpack and a meager savings will build character. It will increase my confidence. And it will fulfill one of my life's goals: to see the world, to travel and to not be afraid. | ||
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