It has come to my attention that some of you have been neglecting your
responsibilities. In order to flush out the culprits, I have prepared
this pop quiz. Please close your books and store them under your desks.
Pencils-down will be in 15 minutes; should you finish earlier please put
your head down on your desk. Ready, begin!
1. The proper way to wash a fork is:
a. with hot water and soap, using the scratchy side of the pink sponge,
making sure to dislodge any food particles.
b. by running it though your hair.
c. by waving it near the sponge, muttering cleansing chants in a minor
key.
2. There are 30 people working at company X. If only 20% of them leave an
average of 2 dirty dishes a day, how many dishes does Heather do a
week?
a. 60
b. 10
c. only as many as she can find before Joe throws them out.
3. After eating at the lunch table, what is the courteous method of clean
up?
a. discarding any trash/used napkins, washing any dishes and wiping down
the area you sullied.
b. washing some of your dishes, throwing away only some of your trash
while making sure to leave a sticky mess on the table.
c. changing seats, thereby removing yourself from any responsibility.
4. Who cleans up after you when you trash the lunchroom/kitchen?
a. I know! I know! It's that redhead, right?
b. Tiny Xinetian-crafted robots that use the latest nanotechnology ...
shhhh, company secret!
c. A really bitchy fairy who is fully capable of putting a 100-year
sleeping curse on your kids, should they happen near a spinning wheel.
5. And who takes care of that rice machine?
a. I've no idea, 'cause Heather won't touch it.
b. A line of bikini-clad women who spear each stray rice piece with their
long, manicured talons.
c. The Lotus Eaters
6. Coffee spills, stains and grounds:
a. are way too common and should be cleaned up immediately after making
them by the spillee, using the YELLOW sponge.
b. are a natural part of our environment being threatened by larger
corporations...please sign my petition to Save the Stains.
c. make trippy designs on the counter top, so chill out, dude!
7. When you open snacks while they're still pupating under the stairs near
Kimio's desk,
a. you're opening us up for an invasion of ants and other insect
renters.
b. you're saving yourself having to walk ALL the WAY into the kitchen for
an already opened box/bag.
c. yeah, they may taste real good all young and vulnerable like that, but
it's just cruel, man, cruel.
8. Oh No! The dish rack is full! What DO I do with my dirty dishes?
a. Empty said dish rack, wash your dishes and let them drain with good air
circulation.
b. Wash the dishes and carefully balance them atop the Leaning Tower of
Dishes already in the rack.
c. Duh. Leave them in the sink.
9. You just washed out the Tupperware that contained your lunch time feast
of Barley Ratatouille. What happens to all the beans and veggie bits now
living in the dish drainer (that little white disc over the drain that
catches all the food)?
a. You (the owner of the Tupperware/Ratatouille) pick it up and tap the
contents into the BIG trashcan on the far side of the 'fridge.
b. Ants and other creatures smaller than us (but with far more legs) come
and take care of it for you.
c. Hey, are those nanotech robots waterproof?
10. When your big, impressive client comes to visit, what DO you do with
his/her coffee mugs?
a. Show them how we wash our own dishes around here (ahem) with that nifty
PINK sponge or do it for them.
b. Leave them lying around, thus increasing the amount of unclaimed dishes
to be done by Someone Else.
c. Put them in a safe place, erect a shrine around them and include them
in the Office Tour..."I hear Ronald McDonald once sipped out of that
cup...look, you can still see the smudge from his clown make-up!"
11. Sponges are assigned as follows:
a. The pink, soapy one is for dishes, the yellow one is for wiping down
counters (see questions 1, 3, 4 & 6).
b. Vice Versa.
c. Well, I hear if they excel during their training, they can get cushy
assignments in the Florida Keys...otherwise it's a long stint in the
waters off Manhattan.
12. Last question: We just had a company lunch/birthday party/Vik's and
you're ready to rid yourself of that dirty paper plate. WHERE does it
go?
a. That really BIG trash can located on the far side of the refrigerator
(y'know, the one that could actually HANDLE 30 paper plates).
b. The little trash can by the sink, so you don't hurt yourself walking
the extra 4 steps through the kitchen.
c. Steve likes hats. Put it on his head. Awww, how cute, get the
Polaroid, quick, before he notices!
Now total up the number of times you chose letter A as the correct answer.
Results:
9-12 Yay! You're part of the solution! Keep up the good work and
you'll have my undying gratitude (as long as I'm responsible for this
stuff).
6-9 Ok, well, at least you're mostly leaning in the right direction.
A little awareness goes a long way. Remember, courtesy counts!
less than 6 (slow, disappointed shaking of the head) Your father and
I just don't know what to do with you...go to your room. No, wait, all
your toys are in your room; go visit your Great Aunt Mildred instead and
help her organize her pictures of cakes.
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