Dear Diary . . . day by day

Wednesday, June 14th - Rite of Passage
I cut off about 9 inches of my hair this morning. Well, I didn't - I had a cute woman named Amy do it for me. She tied most of it into a ponytail and lopped it all off, handing it to me as I felt my head lighten. I almost shrieked - it looked like a dead, bloody body part. The blunt, cut edge is over an inch in diameter - an inch or so of solid hair. It looked very severed, but I kept expecting it to get up and run off, like Thing in the Adam's Family.
But I like it. Christa says I look younger. Judith says it looks sexy. It falls just on my shoulders and it has some layers right above the bottom edge, which gives it a lot of bounce and totally encourages my natural curl/waves to spring up. It's fluffy but not frizzy. It's playful and sexy.
I had these plans for the ponytail. I'm thinking about using this as a symbol for a final detanglement from David and all the miserable parts of that relationship. (This is not to say we're not still going to be close friends, but hopefully we'll keep all the good while cutting off the bad.) I've done this before - cut off my hair in the wake of a breakup (I know, this is a powerful wake, ok?) - so I'm hoping this will be a constant reminder of this intention (it's sorta hard to ignore). I'm going camping with Jeff this weekend, and I think I'm going to bring the ponytail there. I'll divide it into several parts:
Earth - bury part of my hair, symbolic of recent deaths of loved ones, remebering the past (ancestors as well as my own personal past), remembering where I came from, honoring the mother earth.
Fire - burn part of my hair, letting the old be consumed in new passions, symbolizing rebirth, phoenix from the flames, that whole bit.
Water - drown part of my hair, cleaning the old to make way for the new, submerging myself in that powerful force that can carve canyons out of rock, tapping the power of the waters of life.
Air - throw bits of my hair into a stiff breeze (preferably from atop a mountain, but we'll see what's available), freeing myself and others from the cycles of the past, breaking circles to make new, curving paths without sides, allowing myself and others to follow our own bliss, crossing paths when we will.
I know: I was just talking about dissing pagans and here I am making up my own rituals. But that's my whole point - I wouldn't do a prescribed ritual - this is a personal thing and I need to create the ceremony based on my own needs. I don't mind following certain guidelines (like the four elements, completely out of order above) but I'll mix them up as I like. I might dance, sing, chant, cry, scream, run down the mountain, splash in the water or bury myself in sand as well. Maybe I'll bind some of this hair to a branch and collect stones and feathers and make a wand, symbolizing the parts of the old me that will stay - and the channeling of that power. Who knows. It's all for me.
I'm hoping to put up another journal entry today (I'll probably link to it, instead of putting it up here) to describe last night's catastrophe. Minor catastrophe, don't worry.
Exercise log:
Skipped yoga, so I have nothing to report.
I'm currently reading:
The Fall of Atlantis by Marion Zimmer Bradley

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