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(Feeling lazy today; no, that's not it; feeling like whatever I wrote up
here today would either be extremely boring or way too personal. So
you're getting a "recycle"; forgive me?)|
This is something I wrote a month or so ago in Pamie's forum. The topic was "Don't Date These People", based on an amusing entry by Pamie on why you shouldn't date theatre people. Anyhow, this was my advice (based more on my realization that I am now "stuck" being poly rather than anything truly useful):
Lots of good advice here, but there's one I'd like to add: Don't date polyamorous people unless you're interested in becoming/are poly yourself. I mean it. Don't even "give it a try" unless you're willing to go through some horrendous growing pains as all your preconceived notions gets bent in new directions as you try to deal with all your socially-programmed jealousy. It hurts. It gets worse long before it gets better. You can get very, very bitter this way.
And, if you manage to sludge through to the other side, and your SO's other lovers are your friends (or lovers), then you're really in for it. 'Cause once you've tasted that sort of freedom; once you've had the sensitive man of your dreams Monday-Wednesday-Friday and the man you have great sex with Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday, you're gonna resent the next man who wants you all to himself. You're gonna moan and groan and wonder if you should date Mr. Wonderful even if you're single again, because that means cutting off ever again getting to share an intimate evening with ex-boyfriend X or Y, let alone giving up the occasional fling with your really cute girlfriend Z. You don't know that one man is enough anymore. You wonder if it's worth it. You wonder what happened; once upon a time you prided yourself on your fidelity and now it seems like a trap. You have to either date within the poly circles or put someone new through the conversion process you went through. You're gonna be looking at the world in a whole new way that, unfortunately, most of the world can't see yet/doesn't agree with/won't acknowledge can even work out. You're gonna have to live the rest of your life in the Bay Area or Bloomington, Indiana (or possibly Madison, Wisconsin). Your parents will never understand; your siblings may shun you or tsk quietly over your relationship problems that are almost the same as their monogamous ones, just a little more complex. You're gonna wonder why you can't go back, why you don't really want to anymore. . .
Of course, YMMV.
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