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Thursday, May 11th - Oh! The Humanity!

Exercise log:

Lifted weights after work yesterday (Chest and Triceps Day)

Yoga class on Tuesday evening.

I want to do some journal redesigning, but I'm not sure I'll have the time anytime soon. I've added sidebars with my work-out log and the current book I'm reading (I'm sure you noticed, but I'll mention it anyway); I hope I keep that up, mainly so I can keep track and go back and have this history for myself later. Of course, that means I can't really ever disillusion myself and say, "Oh, yeah, back in May of 2000 I was exercising every single day; I just need to do that again." And if I *do* try and say that, you all can send me emails with angry links telling me I'm full of bunk (if you feel like it; no requirements of course). And then I'll slink away with my self-esteem crushed and moan at you guys about how I'm . . .

Well, obviously the choice thing to do here is to keep up with the exercise.

I'm also disgusted at myself for never updating my reading logs, so I'm putting it on this page where I won't tend to forget it as easily. I read a lot more than I mention here, and it would be nice to have a list of what I've read. Whether or not I cull these onto the "What I'm Reading Now" pages and add comments remains to be seen.

The Xenogenesis series - this book particularly - is depressing me about humanity's faults. I also watched a movie last night with the new guy I'm dating (I suppose I should name him soon) that was a big mistake for the second date (or for any date really): Xiu Xiu: the Sent-Down Girl. This movie is about a Chinese girl sent from the cities into the countryside in the 1960's as part of Communist China's attempts to "even out" the population. In her desperate attempts to achieve passage home, she allows herself to be sexually taken advantage of by an increasing number of men, while her guardian does nothing but look sullen. This guardian eventually loses it after she starts getting visitors in the middle of the night, but all he does is burn their shoes while they're busy and yell at the girl about what a whore she is. She gets a bloody abortion and all the nurses laugh about what a whore she is. She's all of 12 years old!

Anyway, you can see why I didn't really feel all sexy after the movie. I didn't even want my date to touch me, though he was so freaked he was holding me very tightly. We ended up talking and then I went home. I'm glad this wasn't our first date and I already know I like him pretty well.

Oh, but I was talking about what a mess humanity was, right? In Xenogenesis they call it the Human Contradiction: intelligence mixed with hierarchial behavior. As I'm driving home last night I hear a radio show that talks about some new defense thing that no one is sure even works that Clinton is thinking about signing (I try to ignore politics, generally) and my radio host is all on about how this is shit and how we should build a bigger military so we can prevent people who think differently from us from doing anything about it (and prevent other countries from taking such people in). And I want to cry. I shake my head and it doesn't clear anything out, it just jumbles up. Hell if I know what we should do; it wouldn't even be an issue if I had super-powers, but I don't. I am afraid, because people with testosterone problems are running the world and building bigger and bigger mousetraps that are going to catch us all at once with one big SNAP! someday and there's not a thing I can do about it except read more speculative fiction and hopefully buy a big, secluded farm someday that will somehow, through air currents and deep valley floors, be protected from nuclear fallout.

Deep breath.

Sleep . . . I should get myself a good night's sleep soon . . . .

I'm currently reading:

Adulthood Rites (Book 2 in the Xenogenesis series) by Octavia Butler

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