Dear Diary . . . day by day

Friday, May 12th - Sweetpeas for sweet friends
Exercise log:
Does taking out the recycling and trash count (especially since my chest is so sore from working out on Wednesday!)? Last night I was going to go to the Down There Press 25th anniversary party in San Francisco. But, I was tired. Very tired. I wanted to go, I knew it would be good to schmooze with editors and other erotica writers, and it sounded like a lot of fun - it would've been a very San Francisco event, and those are always refreshing in their way. But I was tired. And I had managed to hem and haw until I was good and stressed over whether or not I should go. I finally decided to skip it and go to bed at 8pm, but I felt extremely lame about this decision.
Jeff called me around 7:30 and invited me over for dinner. The place he's staying is within walking distance, so I grabbed an extra bouquet of sweetpeas (they're in their prolific phase and I'd picked 3 vases full after work yesterday) and hoofed it on over.
We had a very pleasant time. Jeff is a good friend. I don't remember when it happened, but we're at the point now where we can pretty much say anything to each other, and I love how we both feel free to be honest about our lives. And even though he had spent the entire day working on his music (he played some of it for me, and it's so good!) and I had spent the entire day really wanting to write a story and not having the focus (part of that tired thing; besides, I was at work and having to answer the phone which kept ringing - it's better not to try and write when you're going to be interupted so often) or the space to do it - despite that, he still made me feel like a creative, artistic person. We have good conversations - intellectual but with a nod towards the mystic/spiritual side of things as well.
Needless to say, my firm resolve to be in bed early was thwarted by our hanging out. I got home at 11:20pm; but I went to sleep happy. Had I done nothing but skip the party, I would've had a restless night, I just know it. I love being reminded how important it is to surround yourself with people you're very comfortable around. I was so relaxed, chatting with Jeff about things in my life that suddenly didn't seem as stressful as they had earlier in the day. We talked about our different ways of dealing with the world, and when I mentioned my temper he brought up an answering machine greeting I'd had on my machine when he called last Sunday:
"It was so . . . bitchy . . . like, 'leave me a message and I might call you back'"
"Oh, sorry."
"No! I thought to myself, 'this woman has kahunas'. I thought it was really sexy - very strong and no nonsense."
"Sexy?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, if you say so . . . thanks."
It's good to know that nicey-nice doesn't always get you very far. Of course, this is a tricky line for women to walk - a lot of men will blow you off as a "bitch" when you're angry, even when you have a valid point. But I'm so sick of women feeling they have to play the "sweet little angel" game, and I was pleased to hear that at least some men are impressed when women show some strength.
I'm trying to be all about strength these days. Stand up for myself, know that just because someone I love has a different opinion about something, it doesn't mean I should have to reconsider my own convictions. I'm also into physical strength - I walked at a brisk pace all the way to the house where Jeff is last night and I wasn't nearly as winded as I expected I'd be. Taking out the recycling didn't make me have to sit down and catch my breath right afterwards (though it hurt because my muscles were sore from weightlifting). I've even noticed that my belt, which used to be on the third hole is now pulled as tight as I can get it and I'll need a new hole in the belt soon. I love it when I can see results; results keep me going.
Hmm, rambling all over the place here. The point of this whole entry is that, even though I was tired but didn't get to bed early like I'd planned, I'm still not as tired today as I was yesterday. Relaxing evenings with friends are good for your health. Yay friends!
I'm currently reading:
The Parable of the Talents (Book 2 of the, um, Parable series) by Octavia Butler
Martians (short stories based on the Mars trilogy, which I just finished) by Kim Stanley Robinson

Previous | Next
List of Entries for this Month | Journal Index | Current Entry
Home