Mail is welcome:
gryffyn@there.net
Previous |
Next I had a good yoga class
earlier tonight. I got there early and stretched out and
relaxed. Kalidasa worked mostly hip and leg stretch on us tonight, which
I'm awfully good at, and since I was up front I got to chitter chat with
him during most of it. I felt good. I love feeling like I can really
succeed at yoga, but it was an exceptionally good night. What's weird is
that my favorite pose - corpse pose - that comes at the end, didn't relax
me as it usually does (which is why it's my favorite). Instead, when I
was supposed to be meditating and getting all soupy, I tensed up and
started crying! It was a total self-pity "nobody loves me" kind of cry,
coupled with a "nobody has ever loved me" refrain. Ok, Mom, calm down, I
don't mean family and friend love; I mean significant boyfriend kind of
love. I could explain this further, but it's really pointless. It was
not a fully rational thing I was doing, crying silently in yoga class like
that. I was furious with myself for doing it. David had commented
recently that my new job gives me no time for self-pity; instead we see
how creatively I can squeeze it in. Brilliant. Anyway, I'm doing a
whole mental rethink this weekend. I think I need to make myself face and
deal with a few basic-but-major issues. This is not in lieu of
counseling; I'll have you know I've been playing phone-tag with two
different counselors for three weeks (at least the new one should have
evening hours). But there are a few things that I do that are really,
truly self-distructive and I can't let myself live this way anymore. I
need an inner calm. I need a spiritual life maybe; I need to figure out
how to bring more focus, balance and calm into my life. I need to
meditate more often. But before all that, I need to break a few bad
habits.
Woman: An Intimate
Geography by Natalie Angier
List
of
Entries for this Month
Journal Index | Current Entry
Home
Tuesday November 21st -
Habit Asana
Burning
Man
Photo Gallery
2000
For those of you who watch both Buffy and Angel (for surely Angel
never stands alone), I just want to note that Cordelia's iBook (shown
surfing like mad on this evening's episode) is a twin of mine. I love the
graphite; it's so much prettier and smoky than the blueberry. Not that
there's anything wrong with blueberry or tangerine iBooks; but the
subdued, smoky bluegray is much more my speed. Exercise log:
Lifted weights last night: back and biceps. Did a little over 15 minutes
on the precor before I hopped off to join the abs class for 13 minutes or
so. Those abs instructors are so creative in such a cruel, cruel
way. Tonight: yoga.
Writing log:
The Many
Masks of Halloween in Strange
Horizons.
I'm currently
reading:
Born with the Dead by Robert SilverbergPrevious
| Next
List of
Entries for this Month | Journal Index | Current Entry
Home