Dear Diary . . . day by day

Saturday November 25th - Up and Down
Burning Man
Photo Gallery
2000 I had a great time yesterday. I went hiking with my housemates, Jen and Aron, and our houseguest, Gerry, and their friends, Craig and Sara. I totally invited myself along, but they didn't seem to mind too much.
It was a beautiful day; warm and sunny. We went to Tilden and petted the cows and goats at Little Farm, then played some frisbee for awhile. I actually was doing well at frisbee, which is one of those games I gave up on long ago. Our hike was an easy one over a boggy bit of water (on a wooden walkway for part of it, alongside for awhile then up a hill). The group likes to sing, and we started singing whatever came to mind. We must have sung half a dozen songs from "Little Mermaid" as we strolled along. We were like the pied piper: little kids would hear us singing and start following us down the trail, much to the amusement of their parents. We sang in medium voices, not too soft and not too overpowering either. It was very pleasant. They're a happy group of people.
I came home and I cried. I just sobbed for about an hour because of all the sadness in the world. I think this particular seed of sadness was handed me by the homeless man I gave two quarters to (despite some disapproving looks from the group). The world has too much sadness in it, and my heart can't take it.
There's also the bit where I'm sure I'm going crazy because I think I'm picking up on people's emotions around me. My bedroom is in the back corner of the house, and nearby are at least 3 other houses; in one I often hear domestic squabbles. But I get sad in my bedroom a lot more than I should, and I think it's because someone(s) in those other houses is unhappy. Hell, most of us are unhappy, insecure, worried about something. And I'm starting to believe I'm picking up on it. It would explain why I was only totally happy when I was surrounded by happy people in the woods, far away from the city stress.
I think I need to move somewhere with more green. Either that or stop reading so much Butler.
So, now that I've totally discredited myself . . .
Anyway, my mood swings are so sudden this week I'm really scared. Seriously, an hour of unprovoked sobbing? I obviously am losing what little control I had over this; maybe it really is bigger than me. I'm almost to the point where I want to run into a psychologist's office and beg for drugs to make it all stop. I'm sure as hell not getting much done in this state.
Ah, nothing like a cheery note for a holiday weekend, yes? My Thanksgiving was nice too, by the way. Ian's mother, Lodema, invited me down and I had a good family style dinner with good close friends (plus everyone liked my stuffing and my apple pie). But I cried on the way home from that, too. I just can't seem to stay happy. And this just bites.
Exercise log:
Lifted weights Wednesday night: shoulders, sides and calves. I also did a nice slow abs workout. I'm getting better about making sure I do lots of crunches and oblique workouts; and the more I do, the easier they get. 25 minutes on the Precor machine.
Writing log:
The Many Masks of Halloween in Strange Horizons.
I'm currently reading:
The Hundred Secret Senses by Amy Tan
Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

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