Monday, November 25th, 2002 - A Lot to Swallow First of all, I should make the disclaimer that I'm sick. I'm sick and I have no sick time saved up, so I'm drugged up and working, even though it's clear to anyone that I should be at home, under my feather comforter, with my wonderful, loving fiancee bringing me tea and telling me how damn cute I am all snugged under the covers. I have all the classic severe cold symptoms, plus body aches, woozyness, dizzyness and . . . well, you know. I'm stuffed up. I have a "dhapped dhose" from blowing it so much. I'm cranky and miserable. So, you know, if this isn't coherent (or discoherent, as Tim says), well, you know why. Speaking of things wrong with my body . . . I just have to tell you all that a root canal is a great diet tool. Not being able to eat on one side of my mouth, having my jaw get tired after about 5 minutes of chewing, having the teeth I *can* chew on in need of attention themselves (thus, hurting, especially when I eat something sweet), well, it all adds up to a stressful, painful eating experience. So, without even trying, I'm avoiding eating too much. Lovely! Works like a charm! I'm losing about 2-5 pounds a week these past few weeks. Things are starting to fit again. It's very exciting. Keeping with the body theme, I have to have two bits of my body cut out in the next few months because the bits in question may be harboring cancer. May be. Or they might just be thinking about inviting cancer over for dinner. Whatever. All I know is that I'm going to have a scar on my thigh and I won't be able to lift anything heavy or have sex for a month. Pout. Yes, I know it's better than actually getting cancer, but I can't help but feel, with my teeth and these two operations and my cold and a couple other things that I'm falling apart at the edges. It's also coming at a time when I'm already stressed as hell about other things -- mostly having to do with money, and our lack of it. At least the body stuff is cheaper than the dentist stuff -- Kaiser sucks on many levels, but they do seem to cover everything pretty thoroughly after my $15-per-visit copay. Speaking of things breaking down (I know, I'm a pot of sunshine today aren't I? Well, I did warn you in paragraph one, so . . ) I took my car to get its oil changed last week. When we picked it up the next day I had a conversation with the mechanic that went like this: Mechanic: There are a lot of things wrong with your car. Heather: I know. M: I mean, a *lot* of things wrong. Tim: We know it needs a new carburetor. M: (laughs) Well, to start . . . H: (looking at list) Oh. That's a lot. M: Yeah. You know, I wouldn't take money to fix this car. It's dying. H: Yeah. Um, is it safe to drive it 3 blocks home? M: Sure, but I wouldn't take it on the highway. It's only a matter of time before it goes kaput. H: Well, thanks. Actually, it seems to run pretty well now that I got the oil changed, but the fact that the struts could go at any minute or the engine might fall to the ground means that we drive the car rather gingerly. We can go to the grocery in it, but it won't even make it up a hill, which means Tim can't even drive it to work. He's been taking the bus the last few days (Holly's car has been in the shop too, though it's in good shape overall). We're seeing about borrowing a car from my coworker, but I have to admit it makes me nervous. The last thing we need is for someone else's car to start dying on us and be responsible for that, too. Ok, that's about it for now. I'm going to attempt to write you guys a more upbeat journal entry here in a bit, but no promises, understand? Discuss.

Exercise Log: Walking, dancing around, shagging. Writing log: A little on the Cliff story. Current Publications: In the Shade of You nominated in the long poem category for the Rhysling and will be reprinted in the 2002 Rhysling Anthology! "How to Suck" reprinted in From Porn to Poetry: Clean Sheets Celebrates the Erotic Mind I've been reading: Currently Reading: In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson Donate money to my teeth, my grad school application fees, our writerly projects (Floodwater and Flytrap!). Every little bit helps!

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