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I awoke at 5:30 AM this morning. Why? Oh, so I could drive David to the
airport (he's going home for Thanksgiving, which is the big holiday in his
family). Halfway there, he turns to me and says, "See? Doesn't this
suck? Why do you want to get up early to take me to the airport?
Wouldn't you rather be sleeping?" Well, sorta. For one thing, there's the sentimental reason to take David to the airport. When we drove up, I had a wave of nostalgia wash over me. Last year we were travelling together as a couple. The early-morning autumn air and the bustle of cars at the departure terminals just brought back that entire feeling. No, no, before you get all judgemental, let me tell you it's a good thing, nostalgia. Why? Because you only get nostalgic over something that you know is gone. If you're still holding onto it, you're too delusional to feel nostalgia. So, I was nostalgic this morning. That might be part of this depression; I've been having nostalgic moments over David recently; I'm finally mourning. Anyhow, so part of the reason I got up early was for nostalgia or tradition or whatever. But, another part was the sunrise. The sunset last night was absolutely gorgeous, and the full moonrise was pretty dramatic too, (all gold-coin over hills and dark indigo clouds). So, I felt a complete trilogy when I watched the sun come up. Driving with David (he was driving, so I could watch), I could see the sky streaked all salmon-pink, with blue sky dotted between. On the way back, I could see a large part of the bay, all silver-blue, underneath an incredible tapestry of rose-gold colored clouds that wavered in the sky like undiscovered riches. It really looked like a painting, Maxfield Parish style, with colors you'd swear never occured in nature but would be impossible to reproduce. Gorgeous. I was filled with joy at this sight, and afterwards I wasn't sad about David leaving. I was very glad I decided to get up early for this; it felt healing. Yesterday, I signed up for the YMCA. This time, since my job pays $500 a year towards it, I'm paying the full membership. Not that that gets me any new perks, but I decided I'm not destitute (though I don't make enough, that's for sure, especially with student loans) and shouldn't take advantage of them. Of course, the bitch that signed me up wouldn't wave the $99 sign-up fee (even though I've been a member for 2 years out here and god knows how many years as a child). She also took the WORST picture of me I've ever seen (David, who might just be the sole other person to get to see this pic, conceeded that it was even worse than HIS work ID picture) and refused to do another shot, even though it was on a computer and very quick and easy to do. I'd already paid, or I might have just said fuck it and come back another day. Anyway, my goal is to start throwing my excess, depressed energy into working out. How can I expect my mind to function when my body is in full sloth? So, I'm going to drive away the blues by pumping up the adreneline. Can't hurt. Today, I opened up a 401K account! It was one of those moments when I knew I can't turn away from adulthood any longer. I'm saving for my retirement. Lately, I've been bemoaning the fact that I wasn't smarter about saving and stuff when I was younger, and I decided I didn't want to deal with this feeling again when I'm 60. And, my company has very good benefits, and matches 25% of what I put in (up to $500 a year). I can't afford to "max out" yet, but eventually I will. Hm, adult stuff is boring, isn't it? I mean, do you really care that I now have 401K? I don't even know enough about it to know whether I should mention that stuff here or not. Anyhow, you can probably tell my mood is somewhat better. Thank gods. Tonight, I clean and pack for Humboldt. Tomorrow, road trip! Whoo-hoo! | ||
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