Dear Diary . . . day by day

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Monday October 16th - Eh
Burning Man
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I'm so depressed I'm numb. In a way, I'm happier now than I was last week, although I do seem to have developed the tendancy to cry first thing as soon as I wake up, instead of waiting until later in the day when things build. I guess I get most of my sadness worked out while I'm blessedly half-conscious, so the rest of the day I can function sort of normally. But, well, sometimes you have to hit rock-bottom in order to get a good push off towards the surface, you know? I could use a few full lungfulls of air right now.

Anyway, I spent my weekend either playing Diablo or Warcraft until 2am or reading. Or hanging out/making dinner at David's. Actually, we made dinner and watched the playoff series both Friday and Sunday night. Saturday I called a several people, but there was no one home, so I quit trying. I need to make a hit in the first few calls, I think. After several answering machines I don't feel like trying for human contact anymore.

I took myself out for some comfort-food: sushi at Ichi's. Sitting beside me at the sushi bar was a MTF (male to female) transexual person who introduced herself as Christine. She was exceedingly friendly, and I chatted with her about science fiction (especially the gender issues in LeGuin's "Left Hand of Darkness") and suggested a few novels to her. Then we talked about food and I ended up having to ask her several times if we could change the subject, as I don't like talking about hunting while I'm trying to eat meat (sushi is still a matter of denial for me; I don't like the idea of meat; it grosses me out). She changed the subject to fishing, praising a sea god (not poesidan) for our meal, and I had to ask that we not talk about killing anything at the dinner table. I tried to quit the conversation and go back to my book, but she couldn't help popping up with a new bit of chatter every 5 minutes or so. Ichi gave me "sorry about this" looks, but it was ok. Really. I mean, as annoyed as I was, I was there alone, too, and I had chosen Ichi's because I knew I'd be forced into human interaction at the sushi bar (at least with Ichi, if not other customers). Ichi took my picture for the wall at the restaurant (they have pictures of all their regulars) which gave me the warm fuzzies. Think about it, especially my Hoosier friends: Midwestern, vegetarian me such a regular at a sushi bar they put my picture up. It made me smile.

I then took myself to a movie: The Contender. Nice political flick with a women's slant. Deals with the issue of sexuality and gender in politics. A little surprising, but mostly just satisfying. The hard part is accepting that we really don't have anyone nearly so good as the fictional Senator Laine Hanson to run for office this time around. Geez, our real life choices are depressing beyond belief. How many of you are casting "negative votes" by voting for Gore just so we get the lesser of two evils? This two-party system really needs to be buried and soon. Ick.

Exercise log:

Hadn't worked out in days, so I spent a long time stretching before lifting weights yesterday: shoulders, sides and calves. I did some situps, nice and slow, then 25 minutes on the precor machine.


Writing log:

Researched Samhain (sow-in) for an article I want to write for Strange Horizons.


I'm currently reading:

Dramocles by Robert Sheckley

Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier

Daughter of Fortune by Isabelle Allende

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