Dear Diary . . . day by day

Tuesday September 26th - Beat
Burning Man
Photo Gallery
2000 Hi. I was out sick yesterday, if any of you were wondering. I've got my old 6100 set up at home while the iBook is in the shop, but I'm not too keen on working on it. Heh.
I think I'm feeling better. I don't want to count any chickens yet, as it's PMS week so things are bound to get a little rocky later on.
This entry by Columbine really echoes how I've been feeling - that whole validation thing. I haven't read the monsters story yet, but that idea reminds me a lot of Fifi Danger!. Not that my depression has as much to do with David as it did at that time; he's still a huge part of my life, so there's some overlap of course. I need more friends. I need to listen to myself and get out and DO things.
I tried that this weekend. Sherman had sent me a very sweet note last week imploring me to give him a call when I felt like being social. So, I did. I called him on Sunday morning asking if he'd like to take in the Folsom Street Fair that was going on a mere two blocks from his apartment (he's got the best location, I swear). So we went.
Let me tell you - I had the worst social anxiety before I left the house. I tried on many outfits and couldn't figure out what to wear. Thing is, I could wear ANYTHING and it would be fine for that fair (as Sherman said, "It caters to the Leather Daddy crowd, so anything goes, really; it's San Francisco"). I put on my Burning Man outfit, but couldn't make myself go outside in it. The problem was getting from my house to BART - I guess I just don't feel like my neighborhood is as liberal as SF, or maybe it's just worrying what the neighbors might think.
Anyhow, I ended up in a slightly sexy/cute blue top which ties over the breasts and swings open to show the navel with jean shorts. Oh, and a straw 1920's hat that matches. It was the hat that was the hardest to sell myself on; it hides the face, but it also draws attention to the wearer. I was most gratified later at the Fair when someone commented that it was a great, fashionable hat.
The thing that got me about Folsom Street Fair was the number and explicitness of the public beatings. Heh. The S&M crowd was out in force, and every so often you'd run across a huge crowd of people watching other people beat other people silly. Seriously, I've seen some "scenes" in more private spaces before, but nothing as severe or wild as what I saw on Sunday. The first one we passed was common enough - a woman was strapping a man, and he counted each stroke and said, "thank you mistress". Ok. But then there was this huge roped off space with several huge X's to lean people against while they were beaten. I had to cringe as women and men tortured - pulled, bit, pinched, slapped and whipped - other womens breasts. OUCH. Someone across the clearing was drawing blood on someone's bottom; I've never seen that before. They were whipping people's fronts, backs, faces, breasts, between their legs . . . one guy stripped down his submissive, spread her legs wide and stroked between her legs! That exclamation point is because this is on a public street - I suppose it is San Francisco, and it is the Folsom Street Fair, but I was very surprised to see this in public.
Someone inside the corral strolled by and asked if there were any questions. The running commentary from the crowd ceased when he asked that, much to my frustration. So I started asking some basic questions, acting much more ignorant of the situation than I am, simply so those around me could hear his answers. If I didn't know as much as I did, I wouldn't have had a clue what questions to ask either; they should probably have a running commentary every once in awhile just to make sure.
On the Home Ec front, I finally got my bookcases up and secured to the wall. I bought these well over a month ago, but hadn't found the time to put them up. They're stacked one on top another, so I wanted to be sure I had tools and time to secure them to the wall. I stopped over at Ian and Elle's where Elle loaned me a Stud Finder ("I found Ian with this") and a screwgun (no comment) and very good instructions on how attach the shelves. David helped me (it's reassuring to have a friend there to tell you you're not destroying everything) and we got the books up and it looks so much better! I'd had this horrible white plastic shelving up there, and now I've got these open bookcases in blond wood which matches the bed and the desk. I haven't bothered to secure anything else to the wall, but since these tower over the bed, I thought it was a good idea. Anyhow, it cheers me up to wake up and look at them, all tall and elegant. I also moved science fiction to that shelf instead of women's studies, and it's much nicer to have "Juniper Time" be the first words I read every morning instead of "Bitch" and "Cunt" and "The Second Sex". Really, I understand taking back the words and I do that myself, but that doesn't mean it's good for the psyche to see that everyday first thing like that . . .
Anyhow, I'm babbling. I'll chat at y'all later.
Exercise log:
Lifted weights at the Oakland Y: chest, triceps and abs. A half an hour on the precor machine. Odd to work out around so many very heavily muscled men, but sorta encouraging too; it gives you lots to look at.
Writing log:

I'm currently reading:
Woman: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Angier
The Cosmic Rape by Theodore Sturgeon
The back of this book (written in the 50's) says "It came from Outer Space!", which sounds silly. The book is much better than its cheesy cover, which just proves that old saying . . .
Finished this weekend:
Doomsday Book by Connie Willis
Ignore what I said about it being coy. Oh, it is, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it. I literally couldn't put it down on Saturday - read 500 pages in one sitting, I did. It has its problems, but it's a good read and a real page-turner.

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