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| This is not a deep journal entry. It's almost 2am (technically the 10th), and I just finished a long trivial pursuit game with Sharon, Meredith and Aron. I almost long for the days when I didn't like my housemates and would ignore social events to go to bed early. | |||
| I'm sick, too. That's the kicker. | |||
| Last night, I woke up with severe stomach cramps at 5am. I dry heaved for awhile, finally drifting off to sleep around 7am. I got to work around noon, leaving at 4:45. | |||
| It's not been a good week. | |||
| Tonight, instead of going belly dancing, I went shopping at K-mart. Bought myself a girdle. Why would I buy a girdle when I'm feeling nauseous? Good damn question. I had to buy a girdle tonight so I could tell whether or not I would fit in this lovely navy, straight-cut bridesmaid's dress by April 17th. See, Kellie and Brian found dresses they liked in a department store, so they just estimated each bridesmaid's size and bought her dress. Mine would have fit me when I lived with Kellie. Maybe. But now, it's a size too small.* | *I would fit if it had a flared skirt, but this baby is skin-tight all the way down. | ||
| I can zip it. I can sit, balancing on the edge of my seat, holding my breath. It's much too tight as it is; but looking at the seams, I think I can get another inch by ripping out the seam and relying on the overlock stitching to hold it. It's a lined dress, but luckily both seams are made the same way. It should work, but I'm going to have Melodi* look at it tomorrow and give me her opinion. But even if she's dubious, I'm going to rip the seams anyway. I'm desperate. | *Mel was a fashion design major. | ||
| See, Kellie called the other day, wanting to know if I'm even coming to the wedding. And, if I'm coming (which I am), will I fit into the dress by April 17th? She has to order bouquets, and doesn't want to order me one if the dress won't fit. Because if it won't fit, I'm not in the wedding. | |||
| When I first got this dress, last October, I thought it would be great inspiration to lose weight. Hah. I should have known that it would only add stress to my already stressful life. But there wasn't a larger size - they looked - and by then it had already been shipped across the country, and the other two bridesmaids dresses fit, so I had no alternative. | |||
| But now, I'm getting pissed. At myself, for being too fat to be in this wedding. At my dear friends, for not thinking clearly when they were trying to cut corners. At department stores, who only carry what society considers a "normal" range of sizes. At the designers, who didn't think to give these larger sizes a little more room in the hips. | |||
| It doesn't help the other two bridesmaids look like pixies -small and dark- I'm already going to be the "tall redhead", which isn't always a bad thing. But it is when your dress bunches up over your stomach and hips because it won't quite fit where it's supposed to around your middle. | |||
| But you know what? Screw it. I'm wearing the damn dress anyway. I love these two people more than most people in this world, and the only other wedding which would mean more to me right now would be my sister's* I'm not going to miss it just because I'm going to look like a navy sausage. Hell, it's the week before my period this week (aren't you glad I told you that?) and I'm bloated. The 17th is my "thin" time of the month. I can let the dress out. I can eat less. I can exercise. | *No, she's not getting married, although she did just shock the hell out of me and mom by quitting both her jobs and taking off on vacation in Florida until March! | ||
| I feel so adult, in a way. I'm putting vanity aside for...for... Ok. I want to say love. But, with how I feel right now, I'd say I'm putting vanity aside for stubbornness. | |||
| David, who says I haven't learned anything from you? |