Sunday, February 24th 2002 - Sweet Pea Smoothie with Mood Boost
I've had the loveliest weekend. Really, it might have been the best weekend all year, although that's not really fair, as I believe it's the first weekend this year that I haven't been somewhat ill. It feels good to be reasonably healthy. I have energy from, near as I can tell, exercising again. It's awesome. It feels amazing. I should back up, contrast all this wonderful with earlier in the week. From about Wednesday through Friday, I was in the throes of writerly anxiety. This happens every once in awhile, being hit by a bolt of insecurity and despair. Thinking that everything I've ever written is crap or a fluke. This time it happend to coincide exactly with my period, and some serious cramping, so it was especially not fun. I think I did a relatively good job of "grinning and bearing it", and it's definitely over now, so all is well. It just comes with the territory, I guess. Heh. It's easy to be flip about it now. There was a reason I didn't update those days, kids. The irony is that I did write this week, at the bookends of the mood I mention above. Friday night was the final breakdown about writing. Tim was awesome. We sat in the dark and he reassured me and told me that all writers feel this way sometimes. It's something I know, but it helped so much to talk it out with him, figure stuff out. Later that night, I sat down and wrote the second part of the body story while listening to Balinese music that Holly had recorded live this past spring on her minidisc digital recorder. It helped, especially when she started dancing Flamenco in the bathroom, stomping and clapping away and being very noisy. I just pressed the headphones into my ears and kept writing, ignoring her so I wouldn't break my stride. That's where part of my rush is coming from this weekend: I finished a story! The ending's a little rushed, and I thought it was crap until Tim read the rough draft and honestly liked it. I read it again tonight, and I can see its potential. So, mood lifted. Actually, it was probably the cessation of hormones as much as writing a story, but no matter, I'm glad it's over. Saturday I woke up at the crack of noon to a phone call from Todd, who gets up much earlier on the weekends than I do. We'd been planning on doing a hike, a starter hike for me instead of his mondo "Let's walk over the hills to Orinda" walk he and his friends usually do. I'd say we walked about 5 miles, uphill oneway, downhill on the way back, and most of it through town. The woodsy bits were at the end and very steep, but we ate our lunch we'd bought at a Taqueria while gazing out over an amazing view of the San Francisco Bay. It felt wonderful, being all sweaty and looking down at the city we had just literally climbed out of. Good to know that we *can* just walk out of it, not have to get in our cars and drive to leave the city. But then, Todd's always been good at showing me this kind of freedom. He's always been the friend who wants to go on long walks - the kind most of us are too lazy to do on our own - and Todd always manages to get people to go along with him. Anyway, it was so great, just to walk alongside Todd and chat about our lives. I can't believe how long we let it go between times we hang out; ridiculous. He's such a cool person. I have resolved to hang out more with him. It's especially nice, as I get a workout while we're talking (even if I sounded like Malcolm's friend Stevie (from Malcolm in the Middle, TV sitcom) during the very steep bits). I already feel buffer than I did two days ago. Saturday was the day of ex-boyfriends, as I spent the evening hanging out over at David's. Again, we had an exceptionally lovely time. David gets the Olymipics, so it was fun to watch some of that, and good just in general to hang out with him. Today, it was breakfast at Mama's after which I dropped Tim off at the cafe while I shopped for plants. Spend the late afternoon weeding my negleted garden and setting in Butter Crunch Lettuce and sweet peas seedlings. I also planted some Spinach seed, but we'll see how it does; it's been a little warm this spring (and, yes, it is spring already here and has been for a couple of weeks) and Spinach likes to bolt. Tim came home and kept me company while I burned off more excess energy and cooked dinner (homemade spaghetti sauce (David's recipe) and a salad). We had some serious couple time as the sauce simmered on the stove, followed by a tasty meal in front of the Simpsons and Malcolm in the Middle. Then we watched The People vs Larry Flynt. Then I came in here to tell you all about this. And now, I'm done.	Exercise Log: Normal gym routine on Wednesday. Yesterday, about 5 miles of hiking up and down hill with Todd. Stopped at Dark Carnival on the way back and legs shook as I looked at books. Today, gardening. Frollicking. Very sore now. In a good way. Writing log: Finished the rough draft of the body story, which is tenatively called "Famishing". Am also tenatively happy with it. Tim thinks it's good, which is encouraging. Current Publications: "How to Suck" reprinted in From Porn to Poetry: Clean Sheets Celebrates the Erotic Mind I'm currently reading: Skin Folk stories by Nalo Hopkinson
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