Dear Diary . . . day by day

Sunday, November 11th, 2001 - Spiking up the Weather

It seems that I'm just not very good at updating during the week when I have a full-time job. Sorry, guys. I'll try to do better, but time has suddenly become so precious again. My house is a mess, and I have fantasies about cleaning it.
Much better are my fantasies about Spike/James Marsters. Something about his solo from the Buffy Musical ("Let me Rest in Peace") has made me all a-twitter over him, as if I'm 15 again. Seriously, I'm having dreams about him, fantasies about being Buffy and getting to kiss him . . . sigh. I think this whole heightened state of crushdom/fandom is brought on by the women I work with and our (joking, I think) plan to road-trip down to where he sometimes plays guitar and offer him a personal demonstration of the products we sell. Heh. We're so bad.
I love the Buffy Musical, in general and in specifics. It makes me yearn to do musical theatre again. It makes me want to take a dance class again. I'm singing lines from it all the time. I bought a freakin' Spike action figure (which still hasn't come in the mail yet!), that's how whipped this thing has me. I'm speculating as to what's going to happen next, whether Willow is this season's Big Bad. That sort of thing.
Anyway.
One bad thing about Buffy this week: the sitcom before it. We had good reception, so we couldn't turn off the TV and ended up watching "Everybody Loves Raymond". Not a funny show. The whole premise of the show was that Raymond didn't want to go to church. No one in his life could understand this; they were bewildered, and it was sooooo funny to all those folks on the laugh track. I was bewildered at their bewilderment; of course he didn't want to go to church; he didn't get anything out of it, so it was a waste of time.
This sitcom gave me a nightmare that night. I dreamt that Tim and I had to move to the Midwest. We had a nice apartment, a decent neighborhood and a yard and friendly neighbors. Friendly, nosy neighbors who were bewildered at why we didn't go to church every Sunday (or any Sunday at all). They didn't get mean about it until near the end of the dream, but the pressure from these people with their assumption that their way was the only "right and decent" way to live one's life! Jeez-louise! It was one of those dreams where you wake up with your heart beating because it was too real, and you don't want to face the world you think you live in. Boy, was I relieved to realize I was still in Oakland!
Okay, sure, that was my dream and the Midwest isn't quite so unceasingly like that. But you do get people assuming that you're a Christian, even if most of your friends know you're not and accept that gracefully. Everyone is very friendly, but sometimes the chatter turns to god and jesus and they assume you agree with them. Every Xmas I go home, I have to treat it like an anthropological trip at one point or another; there's always a moment when I'm in a store and end up listening to some stranger chat with me about church or baby jesus or something like that, and I have to smile and be polite.
I suppose I could just go home and try to only see my friends, but then I think it's important to remember what the public world can be like back there; if I only hung out with Kellie and Brian and Daniel and Kristin and Craig and Zamira and Mom and the cats (and I'm sure I'm leaving out someone) then I would only think about how much I miss them and would think about moving back to Indiana. But, it wouldn't work; I wouldn't be happy. I'd be too outrageous for the world I was living in again; I'd clear rooms at parties by accidentally offending someone; I'd meet people who couldn't fathom that their worldview isn't the only one that's valid, and it would drive me batshit.
Marissa has had to defend her love of the Midwest, but somehow it sounds like people are only complaining to her about the snow. I don't really miss the winters - though I do get a thrill when it snows when I'm home for Xmas, it takes me about 4 days and 6 layers of clothing before I'm ready to go outside in negative temperatures. I miss autumn the most, as far as Midwestern seasons go; spring is pretty, too, but the summers are mostly hot and muggy . . . although it is nice when it's hot enough to wear a tank and shorts at night. Okay, so the change of seasons is nice. But for me, that's the only real contrast I get in the Midwest - the seasons. I think I'm just better suited for less of a contrast in my weather and more of a diversity in the people/ worldviews around me.
Yes, it was some nightmare I had.

Exercise log:
Stretched and worked out with Tim on Wednesday; mostly cardio for right now.
Writing log:
Revised "Goat Girl". Should be sending it out on Tuesday (Monday is a holiday).
My Bibliography page.
Current Publications:
Indianapolis Guide at EGrad.com. Written by me, edited by someone else.
In the Shade of You a poem at Speculon.
San Francisco City Guide at EGrad.com. Written by me, edited by someone else.
I'm currently reading:
Warm Worlds and Otherwise by James Tiptree, Jr.
The Strange Adventures of Rangergirl by Tim Pratt

My PO Box is:
Heather Shaw
P.O. Box 13222
Berkeley, CA 94712-4222

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