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Next One of my problems is lack of confidence. I don't know how some of
you do it. In social situations I'm always second-guessing myself,
thinking that what I have to say is not as important as others, that no
one wants to hear me/talk to me. It affects my writing too: when I'm
down, all I can think about is how stupid this sounds, how no one will
believe my characters or how the same themes keep cropping up in my
(small) body of work. I am so very hard on myself. Sometimes I won't
write for fear of turning out crap. I can't take that risk somedays, so I
don't write at all. Since I'm in a good mood right now, I'm trying to
focus on what keeps me happy and confident. I notice that I approach
things differently when I'm happy: I don't assume failure before I
start. When asking for permission or when correcting a mistake, I don't
fall all over myself in guilt and apology, assuming that I am terribly,
terribly in the wrong. Instead I say, "hey, this is what's up, this is
why it's late, this is what's going on, just FYI" and the person reading
it is much more accepting and doesn't get all angry with me. Wow. Wish I
could do this all the time.
May this little void be the source of all Heather's depression?
Knight of Ghosts and Shadows by Mercedes Lackey and Ellen Guon
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Monday October 2nd -
Good Mood
Burning
Man
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I am so cheery today. It would scare me - as I know this is just a mood
swing, since I was so damn depressed last week and the week before - but
I'm too damn happy to care. Even my dentist commented that I seemed to
have lots of energy today (I had a cavity filled; I like my dentist so
much that I was actually disappointed that this is the last cavity until
the next cleaning). I don't know if this is the result of better eating
habits or the fact that my body is almost healed from the running fiasco
on Friday or
if it's a bizarre reverse PMS, but I don't care. I'm just going to enjoy
it. Exercise log:
Lifted weights at home
yesterday: shoulders,
biceps and triceps (I was watching Shawshank Redemtion; prison movies
always make me feel like pumping iron). I borrowed Jen's 10 and 15 lb
weights, which meant I had to carry them up and down the steps, so that
counts too. Did some situps as well.
Writing log:
I'm currently
reading:
Woman: An Intimate
Geography by Natalie AngierPrevious
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