Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Picking up some loose ends

I found a peanut free hazelnut spread at Trader Joe's that the Bairn will tolerate.

The bike with the nice generator setup on it got stolen, so I tried to put a similar setup on my teeny front wheel Bike-E, which worked for a little while, then failed, for reasons unknown. I still like generator lights, and my NEW commuting bike has a Union setup.

I'm still with the Girlfriend I'm Not Supposed To Blog About.

I don't blog very often, it's true. I'm not sure why. I post comments pretty frequently on the blog of an acquaintance, and I still love to read, think, ponder, etc. But putting my thoughts down seems rather a chore.

The airplane project is sitting un-touched for the last 7 months or so, since I moved it to my backyard shop from it's tomb-like former home in an Oakland warehouse.

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Monday, January 17, 2005

Body Heat

I had the fine good fortune this evening to be reminded of the pleasures of returning to a bed warmed by the heat of a boon companion.

You've been up, to pee, to get a glass of water, so your own skin is slightly chilled. You slip under the comforter, and embrace, skin to skin, that lovely heat, that willing flesh.

Grateful I am, after heartache and worse, to still have within me the capacity to build this oppurtunity, the time to use it, the heart to feel it, the words to express it.

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Breaking up is hard to do

But there are times when it must be done.

Let's bound the problem here. I'm not talking about Divorce, I'm talking about ending a romantic entanglement. Dumpin' Yo Date.

The hardest parts of doing it well are steeling yourself for YOUR pain - it hurts to lose something that, at least once upon a time, Seemed Like A Good Idea; and figuring out how to say It's Over without making your (soon-to-be-former) partner the problem.

This MUST be done in person. You owe it to them, and you owe it to your own Karma. No intermediaries, no e-mail, no instant messaging. You did the nasty with them, you used condoms. You loved them once, now you don't, so show some responsibility and own up to the truth in person.

"I can't continue on in this relationship".

Notice the "I" statement. Notice the lack of equivocation. DON'T equivocate. If you need to, get up and physically leave at this point, in fact, chose your place and time so that this is a real option. If you leave an opening, some sort of loophole, 9 out of 10 lovers will try and take it, and that's bad. The time for trying to FIX this relationship was presumably over for you a long time ago, and hopefully to tried to. It's over, so let it be OVER.

Avoid explaining, or you'll be sorry.

Then tell them "don't call, don't communicate with me for 6 months", and let them know that goes for double from your side. Don't call them, don't read their blog, don't e-mail them, have your ISP block their IP address, or set up an E-mail rule that DELETES their e-mail before you have any chance of reading it.

Mourn. Figure out if you want to be in a relationship at all at this time. Act accordingly. Stick to the 6 month moratorium. When it's over (and it's barely long enough if you've been in deep and long with one another), figure out if there is still any comon ground, if you can enjoy together the things that hooked you up in the first place.

These are the basics. Situations (kids, living in the same house, working in the same place) are different, but I think the rules:
* In person
* No blame
* No equivocation
* 6 month quarantine
apply in all cases. It's a learned behavior. Therefore, if you have to, you can learn it.

I wish I didn't have to.

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