Sunday, August 06, 2006

G-Spot play

Keep your nails REALLY short if you practice the art of the crooked finger, come hither massage.

I mean as short as you possibly can.

It's either that, or glove up.


Sunday, March 20, 2005



An excellent use of Shockwave in the service of humanity. Long live text!

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Thursday, January 27, 2005

"I would have used it more when I was younger if I knew how lousy it would work when I was older"

Sex-Wise: Being A Sexual Male: The Inevitable Cost of Aging

One of the errors of youth is thinking things will:
1. Never change, or
2. In some Hegelian Pilgrim's Progress, Only Get Better.

Well, perhaps, in some small ways, perhaps these things are true. But RE: Your Turn On, they aren't. There is a godamn reason for all those Viagra ads!

Changes in my sexual response came on me VERY fast, and surprised me quite a bit. Spontaneous erections were GONE, and my sexuality seemed to be more of an intellectual abstraction instead of a physical imperative. Given that I was JUST newly seperated about the time this happened, I was fairly comprehensively gob-smacked.

Depression can bring on these sorts of changes, but at this time I was not seriously depressed, and the changes have been pretty persistent.

The book Sex over 50 was really helpful in calming me down, as were 3 intimate relationships since my (latest) divorce. The link at the top of this post covers most of the salient point of the book. That website has some really good, really interesting surveys and articles on sexuality in general.

I had some testing done, and there is nothing "wrong" with me. My testosterone levels are in the lower end of normal - without a baseline, say, from when I was 18, or even 30, I have no idea whether or not that represents a major change or if those levels alone are not the whole story.

The quote I got second hand from a friend's French Canadian father, who was in his 70's at the time of the citation. Now that you know, I suggest you go and Love the One You're With.


Monday, January 17, 2005

Silicone Lubes

Wet Platinum Premium Body Glide is really great stuff for semi-permanently lubricating Zefal Mini Double Shot telescoping bicycle pumps. I like it for other things too, but those who don't like to take petrochemicals into their bodies may object to it.

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Body Heat

I had the fine good fortune this evening to be reminded of the pleasures of returning to a bed warmed by the heat of a boon companion.

You've been up, to pee, to get a glass of water, so your own skin is slightly chilled. You slip under the comforter, and embrace, skin to skin, that lovely heat, that willing flesh.

Grateful I am, after heartache and worse, to still have within me the capacity to build this oppurtunity, the time to use it, the heart to feel it, the words to express it.

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Saturday, January 08, 2005

Breaking up is hard to do

But there are times when it must be done.

Let's bound the problem here. I'm not talking about Divorce, I'm talking about ending a romantic entanglement. Dumpin' Yo Date.

The hardest parts of doing it well are steeling yourself for YOUR pain - it hurts to lose something that, at least once upon a time, Seemed Like A Good Idea; and figuring out how to say It's Over without making your (soon-to-be-former) partner the problem.

This MUST be done in person. You owe it to them, and you owe it to your own Karma. No intermediaries, no e-mail, no instant messaging. You did the nasty with them, you used condoms. You loved them once, now you don't, so show some responsibility and own up to the truth in person.

"I can't continue on in this relationship".

Notice the "I" statement. Notice the lack of equivocation. DON'T equivocate. If you need to, get up and physically leave at this point, in fact, chose your place and time so that this is a real option. If you leave an opening, some sort of loophole, 9 out of 10 lovers will try and take it, and that's bad. The time for trying to FIX this relationship was presumably over for you a long time ago, and hopefully to tried to. It's over, so let it be OVER.

Avoid explaining, or you'll be sorry.

Then tell them "don't call, don't communicate with me for 6 months", and let them know that goes for double from your side. Don't call them, don't read their blog, don't e-mail them, have your ISP block their IP address, or set up an E-mail rule that DELETES their e-mail before you have any chance of reading it.

Mourn. Figure out if you want to be in a relationship at all at this time. Act accordingly. Stick to the 6 month moratorium. When it's over (and it's barely long enough if you've been in deep and long with one another), figure out if there is still any comon ground, if you can enjoy together the things that hooked you up in the first place.

These are the basics. Situations (kids, living in the same house, working in the same place) are different, but I think the rules:
* In person
* No blame
* No equivocation
* 6 month quarantine
apply in all cases. It's a learned behavior. Therefore, if you have to, you can learn it.

I wish I didn't have to.

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